Path to Redemption
by Deeca
Summary: The defeat of the Archdemon has brought little relief to Marissa's shattered soul as she struggles with her place in the world as Alistair struggles to find the path to his redemption.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

A warden takes any step necessary to defeat the darkspawn. In her mind, Marissa could still hear Duncan speak those words and she felt his presence when making the fateful decision to let Loghain live. When making that choice, it was her assumption that Loghain's expertise would come in handy during the battle and if he survived, he would be sent to Orlais or elsewhere. But she lost Alistair that night. He could never overcome the anger and betrayal and actually fled before the battle, forcing her into an allegiance with Loghain who had survived his joining.

"A Grey Warden must defeat the blight by any means necessary." She remembered Duncan saying. "We must put our pride aside and do what it takes and that often means making unholy decisions."

Alistair had abandoned her as she was about to face her darkest hour. Morrigan pretty much abandoned her as well after Loghain refused to partake in a ritual that she had said would have saved them both. Morrigan's departure left her numb but she wasn't surprised by it. When Marissa discovered Alistair had left Duncan's shield, she knew he was gone for good and it shattered her but she fought her feelings for the good of the battle.

And in the end they defeated the archdemon. As she prepared to make the final blow, Loghain pushed her away.

"For Fereldan!" he roared.

And with that Loghain had sacrificed himself and it was over.

She took no comfort in the fact that Loghain received no acknowledgment, no accolades for his final action. It was Marissa who became known as the hero of Ferelden, and that title would prove to be a curse as well as a blessing.

The only true miracle was being reunited with her brother Fergus. The moment Queen Anora brought her to him, she threw her arms around him and never wanted to let go.

"Lady Warden." Queen Anora said. "You have proven yourself a hero of Ferelden. You will always be welcome here as well as the other wardens. If there is anything you need do not hesitate to ask."

"Thank you Your Majesty. I do have one request."

"Yes?"

"I understand the policy for deserters but I request you make a proclamation. Alistair is to not be executed in the case he is found. "

Marissa watched Anora's expression tighten.

"But he is a traitor to Ferelden."

"With all due respect your majesty, the same could be said for your father. I could have had him killed but I chose not to. And I assume Alistair leaving has automatically forfeited any future chance at the crown. Just let him be."

"Very well." She relented. "The proclamation will go out immediately I just don't understand. Why?"

Marissa flashed back to finding Duncan's shield.

"Because your majesty, I believe some people do deserve redemption. As hollow it was, your father did get his."

"And…I…believe Alistair deserves the same chance."

The pain and exhaustion from her wounds eventually overcame her, & she fainted right there, her last fleeting memory of seeing her brother and friends swarm around her.

************

"No!" Marissa sat up in bed.

Wynne hurried out of her chair and went to her. "It's alright." She said in a soft voice. "You're safe and recuperating at the Warden compound. You're injuries were quite severe but with rest, you will make a full recovery."

"How long have I've been unconscious?"

"You've been drifting in and out for close to five days."

"Wynne, I saw my father and mother." She cried. "They told me they were proud of me and they loved me. I saw my nephew and Oriana. She asked me to help Fergus find love again."

"I bet it was wonderful"

"I never felt so much comfort and peace in my entire life. I wanted to stay but my father said it wasn't my time."

"I think the Maker must have been so moved by your tears, he reached out to the spirits of your loved ones to give you comfort.

"Tears?"

"You cried a great deal as you drifted back and for the between the living and the fade.

"Where is Fergus?" She asked, wanting to change the subject.

"He had some business to attend to at Highever but will be back in a few days."

"How is he doing?"

"His grief is present but I think it would have been worse had he lost you."

"I have to say I'm really surprised to see you here considering what you said to me after what I did."

A look of regret flashed across Wynne's face.

"I know." She said. "Some Gray Wardens from Orlais have arrived in the last few days. They have also been instrumental in your recovery and I had the pleasure of talking with them. They helped me understand why you made that decision. I am sorry for those harsh words I said to you."

"No apology is necessary." Marissa said. "I'm going to have live with this decision for the rest of my life but knowing you understand, eases the burden a bit."

She noticed Duncan's shield standing against the wall.

"Why do you think he left the shield behind?" Wynne asked.

"Because he didn't feel he was worthy enough to have it."

"One of the Gray Wardens from Orlais said Alistair's sense of honor made him forget the main tenet of the Wardens; that being, you do whatever it takes to defeat the darkspawn."

'By any means necessary.' Duncan's voice echoed from her mind.

"When thinking about it now, I also think your decision made Alistair think you had no faith in him or his abilities as a warrior. "

"But it was never about that." She cried. "I hated Loghain for what he did but that doesn't mean his battle expertise should not be used just because you despise him due to his treachery"

"The Gray Wardens said basically the same thing." Wynne said. "They were also happy you got Queen Anora to make that proclamation because they really want to replenish the ranks here."

But he's gone Wynne."

"I would not be too certain about that. There has been word spreading about a man who single handedly slaughtered a dozen ogres destroying a small village not far from Denerim The description they gave of the man was fairly accurate to Alistair."

Wynne helped her out of bed, handing her a robe & slowly walked her toward a table where Marissa suddenly became aware of the room being filled with flowers and packages.

"What is all of this?" She asked

"These are gifts and tokens from well wishers." Wynne said. "You are the hero of Fereldan to them. These are tributes to you."

"Maker's Breath!" She exclaimed. "I don't deserve all of this. I didn't even make the final blow."

"You united all of Fereldan Marissa."

"But, it wasn't just me. It was all of you."

Marissa collapsed in the chair. It was just too much to take in all at once.

"Now what is this about ogres?" She asked.

"Even though the archdemon is dead there are still remnants of the horde scattered about." Wynne explained. "There have been reports of attacks across Fereldan. The Gray Wardens from Orlais have been coordinating efforts with the armies to deal with them. And when they went to this one village, they found what remained of twelve ogres. They made inquiries from some of the surviving villagers who swore to them that it was the work of one man who killed them all. They witnessed the slaughter and spoke of seeing the man's rage as he laid waste to the ogres. When it was over, he just left declining the offers to heal his wounds."

"And the description they gave matched Alistair?"

"Yes." Wynne said. "Sten was even impressed when hearing this. He said Alistair was likely on his own quest for atonement."

"I should be out there helping them."

Marissa tried to get up but fell back in the chair.

"My dear, I'm afraid it's going to take a bit longer before you are in all full fighting form again. Now let's get you back in bed."

*************

Alistair opened his eyes finding himself lying by a fire. He was in one the shacks of the village he rescued. An old woman knelt by him, gently checking his wounds.

"You are on the mend." She told him. "A couple more days rest and you can be on your way."

"Did you remember the promise you made?"

"The people who came by, we told them you left."

"Thank you. Did they tell you of any news from Denerim or Fort Drakon?" "Yes. It has been defeated." She said. "They are dealing with what remains."

Alistair felt as if heart was just pulled out of him.

"Any word on the Gray Warden who died?"

"No. We just heard Loghain was killed."

Alistair sat up. "Maker's breath! It can't be possible."

If she was alive then it was the only thing he could truly be thankful for.


	2. Chapter 2

A few days later, Marissa was well enough to sit in the dining area at the compound. She had finally met Paul and Giselle, two fellow Gray Wardens from Orlais. They were both rogues and looked about ten years older than her. Marissa was in complete awe to be in the presence of another female Gray Warden. Giselle was a striking and jovial woman, and she noted Marissa's surprise.

"Yes we are but few and far between." She said. "But for us, it's not about quantity but about quality."

Seeing the bond and kinship all the wardens held for each other touched her. Marissa was also shocked by the revelation that Paul and Giselle were also husband and wife.

"I know not the ways of Fereldan, but in Orlais we just don't go back to hibernate once the battle is over. There will always be darkspawn to contend with but there are other battles to be fought as well and there is no doctrine stating how we should live our lives."

"A legend should evolve." Paul stated emphatically. "Our deeds should not be put in a book and handed down from generation to generation."

"And what about when it's time to die?" Marissa asked.

"Yes we will all die; its inevitable, it is the sacrifice we pay to be who we are, but our research in herbology has lead some of us to extend our lives a bit beyond the thirty year range."

"The last Gray Warden in our group was in his thirty seventh year before experiencing the calling." Giselle said.

"Somebody once told me it's now how you die, it's how you live." Marissa said, hearing Alistair's voice in her mind.

"And no truer words have ever been spoken." Paul said.

"So do you mind me asking, how did you…end up together?"

"Not at all." Giselle smiled. "You see, I had already survived my joining before Paul's arrival, it was about 9 months later and I was present during his."

"There were four of us." Paul continued. "I was the only survivor. Afterwards I was adamant in giving the fellow recruits a proper burial. They deserved that considering all we went through."

"He had my heart, the moment I witnessed that compassion." Giselle continued. "But of course there was a bit of a pursuit."

" Oh I fought it." Paul laughed "But then there was this moment, I realized I could not live without her." He clutched her hand.

"Not all Gray Wardens share our philosophy. Some go it alone." Giselle added. "But our surviving the joining does not mean we take a vow of chastity."

"And when it is our time, we intend to go to the Deep Roads together." Paul said.

"And now may we ask a question?" Giselle asked.

"This Alistair fellow, you loved him didn't you?"

"We only ask, because you cried out his name many times while you slept." Paul said.

Marissa got up from the chair. "It's in the past. The decision I made that night to spare Loghain destroyed what we had."

"I thought what I was doing was right." She sighed.

"And it was right." Paul said.

Giselle placed her hands on Marissa shoulders. "You were simply thinking like a Gray Warden."

"We are sworn to protect the land no matter what cost." Paul said

"There is no honor in the decisions or choices we make." Giselle explained.

"He should have never left. I needed him there." Marissa said.

"I have no doubt he regrets his actions." Paul said. "He left Duncan's shield behind did he not?"

"And we were at that village." Giselle said. "We saw the remains of those ogres."

"It was the work of man possessed by a great deal of rage." Paul said. "Or grief."

"How long are you staying?" Marissa wanted to change the subject.

"We're staying as long as it takes to deal with these raids that are going on. The bulk of the horde has been dealt with, but I suspect it's going to be awhile until these attacks subside."

"They are simply not going to go away quietly in the night." Giselle said.

"And of course we will help you rebuild here."

"I wish I could go out and help now." Marissa said as she clutched her chest with her arm. "But these blasted ribs are taking forever to heal."

" Be patient and enjoy your rest for many tasks await you soon." Paul said. "Now if you excuse us, we have to consult with some of the leaders of your armies."

"We're assigning some of the other wardens to help patrol the roads with a unit. Hopefully that will make it safer." Giselle said.

"I'm sure it will. Take care and may the Maker watch over you." She watched them as they headed out the room.

Suddenly feeling tired, Marissa slowly trudged back to her room.

-----------

Marissa found it oddly comforting that her room used to be Duncan's. Though she hadn't known him long, she will never forget how he helped deal with her grief as they made the trek to Ostager. There was one thing she never understood and that was being his first choice to join the Gray Wardens. Perhaps he watched some tournament she participated in, or maybe some unnamed soul recommended her to him. Looking back to her earliest dealings with him, he seemed to have so much faith her after having only met.

"I guess that's one question which will never be answered."

She slowly lay down on the bed and shut her eyes.

---------

Alistair let out a burp from the ale. He was at Warden's Keep. He had saved Levi Dryden's family from a band of darkspawn earlier in the day. Levi was so grateful, that he welcomed him to stay with them. Alistair readily accepted the offer as he needed time to think. It also didn't help his confusion because he had encountered a scouting unit the previous day and had expected to be arrested on sight for desertion but the leader merely warned him of the dangers of being on the road alone and the group went on their way.

"Alistair."

He turned to see Levi holding a tray. "The wife told me I can't come down until this tray is empty. So please eat."

Alistair took the tray.

"What happened to Lady Marissa and your friends?" Levi asked. "Did something happen to them?"

"I do not know." Alistair said.

"Did you get separated during the battle?"

"That's putting it mildly." Alistair said between bites. "What news have you heard?"

"I'm afraid not very much due to the continue danger on the roads. One passerby a few days ago said the archdemon was dead and Loghain was killed."

"But what about the Gray Wardens?"

"I'm sorry Alistair; I wish I had more news for you. I promise if I hear anything, I will let you know. "

"Thank you Levi." Alistair said as he handed back the tray. "And don't forget the promise you made."

"No worries Alistair." Levi said. "It's the least we could do considering how you saved my family. I promise, if anyone one happens to come by and makes any inquiries, I will say I haven't seen you."

"Thank you."

Sensing Alistair was not revealing everything that had transpired, Levi said goodnight and left him alone. Considering his own family history, Levi was not one to judge and it was obvious by the haunted look in Alistair's eyes that something had broken him.

"Dear Maker." Levi said after shutting the door. "Please shine your light on Alistair. He is a good man. Help him find his way again."

-----------------

It was a few weeks later as Marissa and Fergus stood stoically near the mass grave where the bodies of their parents were put along with Oriana and Oren. One of the elves who managed to escape was hiding in nearby brush and had witnessed Howe's man dump them there_. _

_Leliana_ was standing behind them and proceeded to sing. Her beautiful voice sang of peace and how all of them would eventually being reunited in the Maker's embrace. Marissa felt Fergus's hand tighten his grasp on hers. He was now the Teyrn of Highever and had the task of not only rebuilding his troops but of the castle. Fortunately it had not been reduced to rubble but there was still a great amount of work to be done before it become habitable.

"You should plant a tree here." Lelianna said. "It should be something to stand as a living memorial to them."

"That is an excellent idea." Marissa agreed.

"Yes." Fergus nodded. "I know they would like that."

"And when the castle is rebuilt, the family sword shall hang in the main hall as a memorial to the justice Howe received."

Marissa flashed back to the final blow she dealt Howe.

"So little sister, I was wondering if Gray Wardens lose their title or can you still be referred to as Lady Cousland?"

"Brother, while I have a duty to uphold as a Gray Warden, I will never forget where I came from. I fully expect to be addressed properly when I visit."

"It does my heart proud to hear you say that." He smiled.

"Don't forget that favor I asked of you."

"I already have some men already doing some research. But you've only given me a name, so I'm afraid it will not be an easy task."

"Just do the best you can." Marissa said. "Now I hate to cut this short, but I need to head back to the compound."

"Before you go, I found some of Mother's belongings that survived." He said. "I know she would want you to have them." Fergus handed her a folded sack.

"Thank you," She hugged him tightly.

She turned to Lelianna and embraced her. "Thank you for helping my brother. When I was little, I would pray to the Maker for a sister. I realize now he gave me you."

"Well the Maker was never known for his promptness." Lelianna teased.

"There is sadness in her eyes. She hides it well but I see it." Fergus remarked as they watched Marissa ride off. "She must have really loved him."

"I don't think she will ever stop loving him Fergus." Lelianna said. "I traveled with them. I saw their love from its very beginnings to when it grew into something you only hear about in legends. Just seeing them, the way they completed each other, they were a beacon of hope amidst everything we endured."

"Then what happened before the battle to make him leave the way he did?"

"She made a decision that only a Gray Warden could make. Alistair's sense of honor and vengeance blinded him from seeing that truth."

"Do you think they will ever find each other again?" Fergus asked.

"Fergus, I have prayed everyday to the Maker for Marissa and Alistair.

"It is in his hands."


	3. Chapter 3

Alistair had lifted his blade from the carcass of the alpha

Hurlock as the travelers rushed over to embrace him.

"Oh thank the Maker you came just in time." The woman cried.

"Let me give you some coin." The burly man offered, reaching into his pockets.

"I don't want your money." Alistair said. "Do you mind if I take one of your apples from your cart?"

"An apple?" The man was astonished by Alistair's simple request.

"Of course you can have an apple!" The woman exclaimed. "I insist you take more than one."

"Thank you." Alistair managed a smile while grabbing a couple of apples. Denerim is only about an hour away. It should be safe."

"Thank you again." The man said.

"Maker watch over you." The woman said.

Alistair watched them disappear down the road and then headed to a tree to sit under while enjoying his apples. It had been a bit over six months since he had fled the night before the battle. With the help of Levi, he had learned Marissa was alive so it was easy to put two and two together that Loghain sacrificed himself.

He also learned that no bounty had been placed on his head, a revelation he was still confused over. He closed his eyes and flashed to the day Levi told him Marissa was alive.

*******

A light snow was falling as Alistair opened the door for what seemed like the millionth time to Levi's wife.

"For the love of the Maker Alistair!" Sharine exclaimed. "You'll catch your death from the chill before Levi gets the chance to say anything!"

Suddenly hearing the sound of a rickety wheel, Alistair opened the door and spied Levi riding up the path.

Alistair ran out the door and raced towards Levi, nearly knocking him over.

"So what have you heard?"

"Levi brushed the snow off his clothes but was silent.

"No." Alistair felt his heart sink.

Slowly Levi lifted up his head revealing a big smile. "Lady Marissa is alive and well. I spoke to her myself."

Alistair didn't even bother to hide his tears of joy.

"Alive?" he whispered.

So all the bits of information he had gathered turned out to be true.

He collapsed on the ground and wept. Levi put his hand on Alistair's shoulder and watched as the anguish poured out of him

******

The sound of a branch cracking instantly broke Alistair from his trance and he grabbed his sword.

"Excellent reflexes." He heard a voice.

Looking up, he saw a woman with golden blonde hair grinning at him from as she clung to one of the branches."

"Strange. Most bandits I come across always end up trees after I have dealt with them."

"Of that I have no doubt."

The woman jumped down. She was a pretty and obviously Orlesian from her accent.

"Allow me to introduce myself." She said. "My name is Giselle; I am a Gray Warden from Orlais."

"Are you going to arrest me?" he asked.

"And why would I arrest you Alistair?" She asked. "There is no bounty on your head."

"How in the blazes did you know my name?"

"Well no mere ordinary man could accomplish your feats." She told him.

"You obviously know what I have done." He said in a somber tone. "Why is there no bounty on me? I…deserted."

"Lady Marissa made the Queen sign a proclamation which spared your life."

Alistair was shocked.

"But why would she do that? After all the horrible things I said that night and then leaving the way I did. I don't deserve any sort of mercy."

"Why does any woman do what she does?"

He didn't answer.

"My husband is down at the river fishing." Giselle said. "Why not join us for a meal? We can update you on all that has happened."

"Excuse me but did you say husband?"

"Oh for the love of Andastre! Not that question again!!! Giselle looked exasperated. "Come Alistair. All will be revealed but after we eat for I am famished."

With the exception of staying with Levi's family, Alistair had basically kept to himself. The thought of encountering another Gray Warden never crossed his mind and while he did consider the ramifications of this encounter, Alistair actually looked forward to their company.

*************

Paul was placing the last fish he had caught on the fire as Alistair and Giselle made their way towards him.

"Hope you caught enough darling, we have a guest." Giselle said

"No worries dear. I am half Antivan after all, and we know how to fish!"

. Paul looked up to see Giselle and Alistair standing before him

"Greetings my friend." He reached his out his hand which Alistair shook.

"I see you met my lovely wife. I am Paul."

"This is Alistair." Giselle smiled.

"Really?" Paul exclaimed. "I've wanted to meet you since we

started hearing of the heroic deeds of one man coming out of nowhere and

slaughtering every darkspawn straggler in his wake."

"So tell us;" Giselle grinned. "How can one man alone

eradicate a dozen ogres?"

Alistair could feel the sadness starting to build in him.

"I…uh…was not in the best frame of mind when I did that. I doubt if I

would be as lucky the second time."

"Men can often accomplish great feats of heroism that way."

"It wasn't heroism." Alistair said. "I wanted to die that night."

"Of course you wanted to die." Paul said. "You were full of rage,

betrayal…"

"And grief." Giselle added.

"I guess I should not be surprised that you know almost everything

that transpired. "

"You know Alistair, if this was twenty years ago, you would already

slain and your corpse burned." Paul said plainly.

Giselle motioned for Alistair to sit and handed him a bottle of wine.

"These are different times." She said. "Ferelden needs every Gray

Warden now."

"Your hatred of this Loghain blinded you from your duty as a Warden."

Paul said. "When there is blight, we have a duty to use any means necessary to

defeat the archdemon and that often entails sacrificing our feelings to get the job

done."

"Yes." Alistair admitted. "I let it consume me. I realize that now."

"In our correspondence with Duncan, he spoke very highly of you."

"You knew Duncan?" Alistair asked.

"Duncan visited Orlais a couple of years ago and we exchanged letters

ever since." Giselle explained.

"We wanted to be updated on his efforts in rebuilding the Gray Wardens

in Ferelden."Paul said.

"He was a good man." Giselle said.

"And he is probably very disappointed in me." Alistair said. "If I could

go back and…"

"But if you did that, either you or Marissa would be dead now." Giselle

said.

"No. It is I who would be dead." Alistair said. "I would have never let

her make the final blow to the archdemon."

"So perhaps this Loghain making the final blow was a blessing in disguise, yes?"

"I thank the Maker everyday that she's alive." Alistair sighed. "But you were not there that night. I said horrible things to her. The words that came out of me, the Maker himself should have struck me down. After all we went through, what we shared and I just threw it away like that."

"You really love her." Giselle said. "You would not be punishing yourself this way if you did not."

"Even when I was angry I loved her. There will never be anyone else who will have my heart." Alistair said.

Giselle and Paul were silent, obviously moved by Alistair's words.

"How is she?" Alistair asked.

"She is coping as well as it can be expected. Her brother turning up alive really lifted her spirits."

"Fergus is alive?" Alistair was shocked.

"Yes." Giselle said. "His scouting group in the Kocari Wilds was wiped out but he survived thanks to the Chasind who found him."

"Marissa is at Highever at the moment." Paul said. "Fergus sent word that the grave where the bodies of their parents, his wife and son were placed was found."

Alistair's heart ached at the thought of the pain Marissa was going through.

"And now Alistair, it's to decide whether to continue being the masked hero or reclaim your place in the Gray Wardens." Giselle said.

"Ferelden needs you." Paul said.

"Marissa needs you." Giselle added.

"I see no hate in her eyes when your name has been mentioned on occasion."

"She would never have gotten the queen to make that proclamation if she despised you Alistair." Giselle said.

"I have an idea." Paul said. "The Queen is holding a tournament at the Denerim Arena in a few weeks and Marissa will be competing. Why not come to offer

support? "

"Most of your friends will be there." Giselle added. "It might make it easier for you to take that first step."

"You could even compete if you so chose."

"Compete?" Alistair laughed. "You mean fight against Marissa? Surely you must be joking."

"Whether you decide to compete or not, just come." Paul said.

"I'll think about it." Alistair said while trying to mask his intrigue at the thought of jousting with Marissa. Perhaps it was due to his upbringing and as much of as he loved Marissa, there was always this small part of him that never felt worthy of her.

"It was after sunset when Alistair parted ways with the Wardens. He promised he would think about attending the tournament and they promised him to not tell Marissa that they had spoken to him."

"In the name of Andraste!" Giselle exclaimed. "What were you thinking in suggesting he challenge Marissa at the arena?"

"This will be good for him, if he chooses to do so." Paul said. "It will be good for both of them."

"But they could end up tearing each other apart!"

"The two of them need to rip away all remaining fragments of the past if they are to face the future."

"You do have a point husband." Giselle said. "And if he does decide to challenge her, I have to admit it could turn into an interesting spectacle."

"Indeed it will be." Paul agreed. "The veil between anger and passion is always thin."


	4. Chapter 4

Marissa came in Jowan's room holding a crate of items that came from the tower. It had been two days since he survived the Joining. Two wardens had arrived in the tower only two hours before he was to be made tranquil; and with the letter she wrote to Irving, Jowan was released to the custody of them with the promise any research related to blood magic would be shared with the circle.

"Here's the last crate." Marissa handed it to him.

"Thank you. You know have done so much for me. I don't know how to repay you."

"You are a Gray Warden now." Marissa said. "Your duty is to serve and protect all."

"And I intend to abide by that." He promised.

"I'll be in my room if you need anything."

"Thank you."

*********

Marissa sat in the chair sipping the herb tea that Giselle and Paul had brought from Orlais. It was a tea developed from their research at helping extend the lives

of Gray Wardens. From what was told, it slowed the progression of the taint and managed to extend their lives a few years. One female Gray Warden had even managed to conceive a child by drinking it and had given birth to a taint free child, a rare event.

"We are Gray Wardens." Giselle said. "Just because we make a heavy sacrifice to be what we are does not mean we should accept readily accept our fate. Because if we do, we are giving the darkspawn a hollow victory. "

A knock on the door broke Marissa from her daydreaming. She opened it to find Giselle smiling at her.

"A messenger came by with this." She said, holding a small box.

"Thank you." She took the box and carefully opened it, removing a small folded piece of parchment.

"It's from Oghren." Marissa smiled. "He says he'll be attending the tournament."

"What did he send you?" Giselle asked. "A good luck token?"

"No." Marissa said. "He did a favor for me."

Her hands shaking, Marissa took the pendant out of the box.

"Marissa!" Giselle exclaimed. "That is absolutely beautiful; it even resembles a real rose."

"It is a real rose." Marissa said. "There is a smith in Orzammar who can encase anything in the crystal of your choice."

"It's positively exquisite." Giselle said.

"Alistair gave me the rose Giselle." Marissa said somberly.

"And the strange thing is that throughout our travels and everything we endured, it stayed so remarkably preserved. I took it as a sign of hope. I just wanted to preserve it. He's gone now and this is the one thing I can hold on to."

Giselle tried to hide her discomfort. "That's a nice sentiment." She managed a nervous smile. "Excuse me; I need to discuss supper with the cook."

"Okay. I'll talk to you later." Marissa said as she carefully put the pendant in the small jewelry box that sat on her vanity."

***********

It was ten days before the big tournament and Alistair had settled in a room at an inn near the arena. With no threat of a bounty on his head, Alistair tried to enjoy the first decent night of sleep he's had in what seemed like an eternity. While the darkspawn nightmares had mostly subsided, he was now plagued with a recurring dream of that night before the battle. It was always the same dream. He would be standing there watching that monstrous version of himself unleash his fury at

Marissa. She would try to reason with him to no avail and she would barely flinch at every cruel word he spewed at her. After he stormed off, Marissa would crumble to the ground clutching her heart but a few moments later she would regain her composure and walk out of the room.

Alistair suddenly sensed something and glanced out the window.

"Maker's breath!" He gasped.

Marissa was walking down the road, obviously heading to the arena to practice. Wearing what appeared to be drakescale armor, the morning sun made the highlights in her brown hair shimmer. A young boy ran up to her and led her to his parents where she shook hands with the man and hugged the wife.

He watched Marissa say goodbye and was watching her head back to the arena when she slowed down near the inn looking around.

It was known that that taint would often give some Gray Wardens the ability to sense each other, so Alistair quickly looked away. When he looked again, Marissa was gone.

"Dear Maker." He whispered. "I beseech thee. Please give me a sign that I am not making a mistake."

*********

Marissa was sitting at the table drinking cider and eating a big slice of Mince pie when Paul came in.

"How was practice?"

"Grueling." She said between bites. "I do not why I even agreed to this. "

"This sort of event will help build morale, aid in diplomacy, and of course there is the gold you accumulate for every victory."

Marissa laughed. "Paul; I spent the better part of a year camping, wearing scavenged armor, doing odd jobs posted at all the chantry boards, and anything else I could think to do that would aid me and my friends in uniting Ferelden. The allowance I get from the Gray Wardens is perfectly fine. Any gold I win, I plan to give to the Denerim Orphanage. "

"A very noble gesture." He bowed to her. "Speaking of the tournament, have you considered the possibility that, you might get some challengers from those attending?"

"Oh Makers breath!" She exclaimed. "I certainly hope not."

"It has been known to happen." He said. "And it would mean more gold for the orphanage."

"That's true but it also means I could possibly be fighting someone with less experience." She sighed. "I guess I will just deal with it if it does happen. Truth be told, I am just looking forward to seeing my brother and friends."

Paul excused himself and let her finish eating. A couple of days ago, he had spied Alistair in one of the back alleys, getting throttled by a female rogue.

"Oh for the love of Andraste!" She yelled. "How many times am I going to have to say it before it gets drilled in your head? It's all about the anticipation."

Paul revealed himself to Alistair and the rogue whose name was Isabela.

"She's right you know. It is like dancing in a way. You have to anticipate every move and develop your own choreography using your abilities." He told Alistair.

"That will be the only way you will ever be able to hold your own against one of us." Isabela said.

Paul ended up spending two hours that first day helping Isabela work with Alistair and as the sun began to set; he had managed to knock both of them to the ground several times.

After reaffirming his promise to Alistair that he would not reveal anything to Marissa, he had left him with Isabela to continue to practice.

"This will be the first step for them." He said to himself.


	5. Chapter 5

It was a day before the tournament and the last day Alistair was practicing with Isabela.

He helped her up after finally defeating her.

"Not bad." She smiled. "You should definitely be able to hold your own against any rogue. Just remember to anticipate every possible move and use your strengths and talents to counter point."

"Thank you for your help Isabela." Alistair said. "Best five sovereign I have ever spent."

"You know Alistair that offer still stands." Isabela smiled, as she gently traced the outline of his lower lip with a finger.

Alistair stepped back. "Um…I am flattered by the offer but the answer is still no. You know my heart belongs to someone else."

"Too bad." Isabela cooed. "We would have had so much fun."

"You know;" She continued. "I've never seen a man win back a woman by dueling with her. It sounds very…tantalizing."

"There is actually more to it than that." He said.

"Well whatever the reason is, I simply cannot wait to watch."

Suddenly feeling himself blush, Alistair said goodbye and headed back to the inn.

********

"You know I still can't believe you will be fighting in this tournament." Wynne said "I will never understand these traditions."

Marissa poured her another cup of tea. "I promised the Queen. It's supposed to help morale. I already promised any gold I win to the orphanage."

Wynne shook her head. "Surely with all the recent death and destruction they have seen enough."

"I am just happy you came." Marissa smiled.

"I would not miss it for the world. " Wynne said. "My healing talents will not be atrophying tomorrow, that is for certain."

Marissa laughed.

"So how have you been?" Wynne asked

"It gets a bit better everyday." Marissa said. "Paul, Giselle, and the other Wardens have been a great help."

"Have you heard anything about Alistair's whereabouts at all?"

It only took hearing his name for her to start crying.

"No." Marissa covered her face with her hands. "There were those reports about someone matching his description killing darkspawn, but there hasn't been any in awhile."

Wynne put her arm around her. "I know it hurts. Love was never meant to be easy."

"But I see Paul and Giselle and how they live, how they celebrate every moment and I think of how it could have been. And then I remember that night and I get so angry. I remember that speech you gave to me at camp. You were right all along."

"But I said those things not knowing Loghain would change your fate and Alistair's."

"It's just so difficult trying to be brave and strong all the time when I am feeling so utterly useless." Marissa continued to cry. "And how that man can still possess my heart."

Wynne was going to say something; but she chose to stay silent, comforting Marissa as she unleashed a storm of once repressed tears.

**************

"Good morning."

Marissa sat up in bed, watching Wynne place a tray on the table.

"Much better thanks to you." Marissa grabbed her robe as she got out of

bed and put it on. "I did not realize I had that all bottled up inside me."

"I am happy I was there to help you." Wynne smiled. "It's not only

unhealthy to keep those emotions in, it can be dangerous. That was one of the first

things we were taught at the Circle and the same rule can be easily applied to

you."

"That's true." Marissa helped herself to some porridge. "Especially this

being the day of reckoning and all.'

"Day of reckoning?" Wynne laughed

"I heard that phrase in a dream." Marissa said. "I guess it means the

tournament."

Wynne could suddenly feel the spirit bonded to her moving around inside

her, in a similar way it would do before warning her of any impending danger.

Figuring it was just a message that her healing power would be needed at the tournament, Wynne shrugged off her fear as she helped Marissa get ready.

*******

Alistair was pacing around the room, trying to get accustomed to this new armor that Paul had given him.

"I can't believe I'm doing this. Maybe this was a bad idea." He said. "Perhaps I should just not go."

"And all of those bruises, the cuts, and the aches from all that practice

would be for nothing." Paul said. "You need to do this."

"I'm sorry for rambling." Alistair said. "Its amazing how she can make

me so crazy even after all this time apart. I actually saw her walking to the

arena one day and she took my breath away. "

Paul gave him Alistair a cloth to wipe his forehead. "You're sweating. I

need to head back before anyone gets suspicious about my absence. Good luck."

"Thank you Paul; for the help and the friendship." Alistair

said shaking his hand.

"You're welcome Alistair. " Paul grinned, closing the door behind him.

********

The arena was already filled as Fergus and Lelianna made their way

to the balcony seating the Queen had graciously provided for them.

"I guess I will have to tell her after the tournament. " Fergus said.

"You have to tell her." Lelianna told him. "She will want to know."

"I just do not how she will take it."

Lelianna saw Wynne making her way through the crowd to join them.

She rushed over to Wynne.

"Wynne." She cried. "It's so good to see you!"

"It's good to see you too." Wynne smiled. "I hear you have become a

a good friend to Fergus."

"Indeed she has." He said. "She has become indispensable to me."

They turned to see Fergus standing behind them.

"Come join us." He said. "We have a…situation that requires your

guidance."

Wynne did not like hearing those words but followed them back.

********

Zevran was sitting with Isabela and _Oghren in the middle of the arena _

_ where they would have an excellent view. Initially they would have been stuck in _

_ the back had it not been for Isabela who used her connections to get better seats._

_ "Isabela." Zevran said. "I do not understand; why are you so _

_ interested in this?"_

_ "Because your friend Alistair paid me five sovereign to teach him."_

_ "Alistair?" Zevran exclaimed. "He's back?"_

_ Zevran had overheard a great deal of what Alistair said to Marissa that night and out of loyalty to her, wanted to kill him. Unfortunately, Marissa_

_ had made him promise to leave Alistair alone and because of his unrequited _

_ devotion to her, Zevran abided by that promise._

_ Zevran looked down see one man sitting at the challenger section. Though his face was hidden by a helm, Zevran instantly recognized _

_ the nervous fidgeting._

_ He smiled. "This should be quite interesting indeed."_


	6. Chapter 6

As the competition commenced, Alistair sat in the challengers section and proudly watched as Marissa won every single competition in the female category. The crowd roared with approval as Marissa bowed after she would help the other the ones she defeated up from the ground. She had also won two matches against men and when she would lose it would be gracefully. Win or lose it did not matter to the crowd as they loved her and would throw flowers at her feet. As the time grew closer for him to make his challenge, Alistair could feel his heart beat heavily against his chest.

********

Fergus beamed with pride as he watched his sister. While Marissa had won some tournaments her father had hosted, her skill had obviously grown since the night she escaped the castle with Duncan. He knew their parents, particularly their father

would have been proud to have seen how far she has come.

Wynne watched the competition with a combination of disgust and morbid curiosity. During a brief recess, she looked over at the challenger's area and saw the one lone person there. Wearing silver plate and his face hidden due to a helm, the man would periodically stand up, take a few paces back and forth then sit down again.

*********

"Citizens of Denerim!" The announcer roared. "It is now time to announce the top 3 finishers and hear who this one brave challenger desires to battle with."

Alistair stood up and bowed when the audience cheered.

"Now let me introduce these three champions who have brought honor to Denerim and to Ferelden! Ser Michael! Ser John! And finally the one champion who not only defeated all her fellow female opponents, she is also responsible for uniting all of Ferelden to end the Blight. Warden Marissa!"

Marissa bowed after her name was said, and waved to the audience.

"Challenger!" The announcer said. "It is now time to make your choice."

Alistair got up and slowly walked to the three champions, and stopped before them.

"And who do you choose." The announcer called.

Alistair raised his hand and pointed to Marissa and Ser Michael and Ser John walked back to their seats."

Marissa bowed to her challenger and watched as he followed suit.

"Challenger! Please remove your helm and identify yourself."

Marissa was looking down, tightening the laces of one her boots and had not seen Alistair remove the helm.

"Alistair." He said. "Warden Alistair."

Marissa froze when hearing that voice. Slowly she looked up and it took every ounce of strength for her not stumble back. The voice was not a figment of her mind. Alistair was very real and standing before her.

***********

"Dear Maker!" Leliana gasped. "That is Alistair."

"Surely you have to be mistaken." Fergus said.

"Leliana is right." Wynne said. "It is Alistair."

"Then what in the blazes is he doing?" Fergus demanded

"I think he is trying to get her back." Leliana said.

"He's trying to get her back by challenging her?"

"I think there is a lot more to it." Wynne said.

An eerie silence fell in the arena as they watched the floor below them.

***********

Marissa stood there looking at Alistair. She had been slowly coming to

accept him being gone from her life but now he was standing there; his eyes

piercing through her.

But why this? Why did he come back to her this way and in this manner?

Did he hate her that much?

Marissa's mind went back to the night Alistair's words shot out like

daggers to her heart and how he left her. And that is when the confusion and

despair slowly ebbed away, now replaced by anger.

She raised her blades and struck, but she had forgotten his prowess

with a shield and was knocked down.

************

Alistair watched Marissa pick herself up. Their weapons raised, they both

began to dance around each other. He struck but Marissa managed to block the

blow, kicking him in the process.

And they would continue to follow the same pattern until Marissa

managed to knock him to the ground. Using her body, she pinned him down and

strategically placed each blade between both sides of his neck and met his gaze.

Feeling her against him made Alistair burn with desire but he came back

to reality when she blinked away two tears which fell on his face.

The moment he felt those tears, Alistair realized how deeply his words had

wounded her that night.

Managing to grab her shoulders, he pulled her off him and they continued

their battle dance.

.

**************

"Is anyone else feeling a little flushed?" Zevran asked as he wiped the

sweat from his brow. He felt like he was watching some strange human courting

ritual instead of a duel.

Isabela was smiling. Alistair's performance had exceeded her

expectations and she too was caught off guard by the seemingly erotic nature of

their battle.

"It is a bit hot in here." She agreed. "We could always go back to my ship afterwards for a drink and….further discuss the battle tactics we are seeing."

"Yes." Zevran agreed. "That is a good idea."

He looked over to see Ogrhen had passed out. The poor dwarf had obviously missed most of the spectacle.

*************

Paul and Giselle were seated with the representatives from Orlais and were transfixed by what they were watching. The passion Alistair and Marissa shared was undeniable but they knew there would be more obstacles before they found each

other again.

**************

"If they do not end up killing each other, I am going to kill him." Fergus

declared.

"Fergus, what we are witnessing bares no stench of hatred." Leliana said

"It is love."

"That maybe so Leliana." Wynne said. "But there is definitely more to it than that and I think I understand now. "

"Fergus, your sister is considered the hero of Ferelden." Wynne explained. "She led us through an incredibly dangerous journey to unite everyone to defeat the Blight. In the process she and Alistair fell deeply in love but I don't think he ever felt worthy of her and I think those feelings are due to his growing up without the support of a family. I have no doubt in his mind that he regrets abandoning her the night

of the battle but I also think he wants to be her equal and that is what this is all about."

"It doesn't even look like he wants to win." Leliana said

Fergus could only shake his head in exasperation and secretly promised himself that Alistair would meet his hand at least once.

*****************

The crowd hooted and cheered as Alistair and Marissa continued their duel but it was evident they were getting exhausted yet neither would give in.

Marissa utilized one of her below the belt moves making Alistair stumble back. He managed to block her blows and make her trip.

"Enough!" They stopped when hearing Queen Anora's voice.

Marissa looked up to see the Queen and her guard walking towards them.

"Your Majesty." They both bowed before her.

"Surely it is acceptable for two mighty Wardens to call it a draw." She said.

"Yes, your Majesty." Marissa said

"Your performance tonight has shown everyone why you are both Gray

Wardens. You should be proud." Queen Anora told them.

Alistair was amazed at how well Anora could mask her dislike of him in front of a large group.

They bowed and thanked her and she turned to face the crowd of cheering

bystanders.

"Then this has officially come to a draw."

The crowd roared their approval to both of them. Marissa and Alistair bowed and waved to everyone and slowly made their way to an empty pre staging area.

Marissa sat silently on the bench staring at the ground while clutching her right side while Alistair just looked at her.

"You told me that night that I killed Duncan all over again when I made

that decision." Marissa broke her silence. "You said you wish you had never met me and that I should have died on that tower. And you told me you would forever regret that night we shared and when you said you loved me."

"I know I can not take back that night, but I swear I will forever regret those things I said to you and leaving you like that."

"So tell me Alistair." She said. "Is your sense of honor also offended that Loghain got the final blow?"

"No." he said. "And I mean that. Its because of him, you are alive."

They were suddenly interrupted by the arrival of Leliana, Wynne, and Fergus.

"Marissa!" Fergus rushed to her. "Are you alright?"

"Yes for the most part." Marissa answered.

"Alistair!" Leliana threw her arms around him. "It's so good to see you."

"It's good to see you too." Alistair said.

Fergus clenched his fists as he turned to Alistair which immediately prompted Wynne to stand between them.

"Fergus. You need to tell her." Wynne said. "Time is of the essence."

"Tell me what?" Marissa asked

"While a couple of my men when doing research on that request of yours, they ended up making another discovery of sorts." He said. "They discovered Ser Gilmore being cared for in the basement of the village Chantry."

"Ser Gilmore is alive?" Marissa exclaimed. "I must see him! He helped delayed Howe's men."

Fergus motioned for Leliana to finish.

"Howe's men apparently thought he was dead and left him there." Leliana said gently. "And when they found him, he was near death but by the grace of Andraste he managed to survive."

"But that's wonderful news." Marissa said.

"Marissa you don't understand, they did not have the means to care for him properly for a full recovery. They did the best they could but some of his internal wounds did not heal. I do not how to tell you this…." Leliana paused.

"He's dying isn't he?" Marissa said

"Yes my sister." Fergus put a protective arm around her. "He is holding on because he wants to see you one last time."

"Then we must go immediately." Marissa said.

Marissa looked at Alistair. "Do not think I have forgotten our last conversation but I must put that aside for the moment and I need you to come with me because I intend to give Ser Gilmore's remaining moments of life some meaning and I need your help to do it. "

Of course I'll help you." Alistair said; feeling both surprised and hopeful.

Wynne took Alistair's hand and they watched Fergus and Leliana help Marissa out of the area.


	7. Chapter 7

Marissa sat on the bench outside the door of the room where Ser Gilmore was being cared for. Fergus had moved him to the wing of the castle that remained untouched from Howe's destruction. Alistair was sitting with her while Wynne looked in on Ser Gilmore to see if she could do anything to help him.

"You know it's strange." Marissa said. "I can take down darkspawn but now I am struggling to get the courage to say thank you and goodbye to a person I owe my life too. He wanted to be a Gray Warden so much."

"I remember you telling me about him." Alistair said. "You mentioned being quite smitten with him."

"Oh I was but it was never reciprocated." She said. "He was very dedicated and bound by his duty to serve my father. But that didn't mean I stopped day dreaming about him whisking me away on his horse."

"Marissa?" Alistair asked. "Why did you want me here after all…."

"Because I cannot do what I am about do on my own." She interrupted.

It had been barely two days since they had reunited on the arena floor and now he was sitting in the hallway of Highever Castle. Alistair was still confused by her request for him to be there but if she had asked him to walk in fire, he would have.

Wynne came out of the room and by seeing the sadness in her eyes; Marissa knew that nothing could be done.

"I'm sorry." She said. "I wish I had the power to cure him. It's truly a miracle that he has survived this long but there is nothing that can be done. The most I can do is make him comfortable."

"Thank you Wynne."

Marissa took a breath and went inside; and when she finally saw him for the first since she fled the castle that night, her heart began to break. He was shadow of his former self. His skin was sickly gray and his arms were racked with scars and bruises. She was surprised to see him clean shaven and presumed one of the nurses did it for him.

"Ser Gilmore."

Marissa watched him open those beautiful eyes and when they met hers, he broke into that smile that once melted her heart.

"My Lady!" He said weakly.

"I'm here." She told him gently, touching his hand.

"I can….return to the Maker now knowing my efforts that night were not

in vain." He said. "I am so happy you're alive."

Your brother said you are a Gray… Warden and you saved Ferelden from the Blight." He continued.

"I had a lot of help." She told him.

"What is it like being a Gray… Warden?" he coughed.

Marissa took a few moments to reflect. "No words can describe the honor I feel in being part of group that lives to serve and protect others. And the wonderful feeling you get from helping people is indescribable. It's truly wonderful

Ser Gilmore."

Alistair had followed her inside and had parked himself in a corner, not wanting to disturb them.

"Ser Gilmore." She bent down close to him. "That Gray Warden who was here that evening before the castle was taken, he told me you were his first choice."

Alistair looked at Marissa after she said that, finally understanding why she wanted him there.

*************

Marissa watched Ser Gilmore's eyes brighten and the gray diminished slightly from his complexion.

"Before you met up with me to retrieve Max from the larder, I heard him tell my father that he was going to approach you the next day. I was under strict orders to not tell you. I'm sorry for that."

"No My Lady." Ser Gilmore said, feeling fuller of life than he's felt in

months. "You need not apologize. What did the Gray Warden say about me?"

"He said he saw you in a couple of my father's tournaments and did some checking on you." Marissa said. "He said your strength and sense of duty made you an excellent recruit."

"She's right." Alistair appeared from the shadows and stood next to her.

"Duncan had even sent word about you."

"So you are a Gray Warden as well?" Ser Gilmore asked.

"Yes." Marissa said. "This is Alistair."

Alistair reached for Ser Gilmore's hand and gently shook it.

"He was with me on the journey to unite Ferelden." She said. "I don't think I would have made it that far without him."

"And of course there was Wynne, Leliana, among others." Alistair added. "Quite the rag tag bunch we were."

"What…happened to the Gray Warden who wanted to recruit me?" Ser Gilmore asked.

"Duncan was killed in the battle of Ostagar." Alistair said quietly.

"He must have seen…how special you are…for him to recruit you." Ser Gilmore said to Marissa.

"No." She said. "I am not special. I'm just me."

"My Lady." Ser Gilmore said. "That is exactly why you are special."

Marissa face turned red but she managed a smile.

"And now My Lady, there is something… I need… to say before I make my final trek to return to the Maker." He continued.

"Yes?" Marissa squeezed Ser Gilmore's hand.

"I always knew…you were smitten with me." He told her. "I wanted you to know…before I go, it was not…unrequited. I was just afraid because I did not really have much to offer you."

Struggling to not fall apart at his revelation, Marissa reached over and gently kissed him on the lips and watched him as he let out a dreamy smile. Wynne gently led Alistair out of the room and shut the door. Fergus and Leliana were standing outside.

"Is it happening?" Fergus asked.

Wynne nodded as Leliana took Alistair's hand.

"You would be very proud of your sister right now Fergus." Wynne said. "She is giving that young man so much joy in his remaining moments."

"I didn't think I could love her any more than I already did." Alistair broke his silence as he hugged Leliana and disappeared down the hall.

************

Marissa closed the door to Ser Gilmore's room and her brother rushed over to her.

"He's gone." She said quietly

"Mother and Father would have been so proud of you by what you just did for Ser Gilmore." He told her.

"He wanted to be a Gray Warden." Marissa said. "I had to give him something for what he did for me that night."

"I'm going to my room." They watched as she ran out of the room.

********

The next day they buried Ser Gilmore in the crypt where all previous honorable knights who served under her father and grandfather where laid to rest.

Alistair's heart ached when seeing the mixture of guilt and grief on Marissa's face. He longed to hold her but did not approach her. Wynne had told him privately that he should

consider Marissa's request for him to be there to be like an open window and that in time it would be replaced with a door and she would let him in again. It was that hope which he clung to.

**********

"Where's Alistair?" Marissa asked one day while helping Leliana and Wynne go through books that had survived the destruction of her Grandfather's study.

They had barely spoken after Ser Gilmore's passing and when she wanted to talk to him, he was nowhere to be found.

"He's been helping the workers rebuilding one of the walls." Leliana said.

"Seriously?" Marissa was surprised.

Marissa excused herself and made her way to the other side of the castle where she saw Alistair lugging a big stone to where the workers were. He was shirtless, his muscular chest and arms covered in sweat. Feeling her face turn red, she turned around and headed back.

***********

Alistair had come back to his room, surprised to see the tub filled. After working, he would clean up in the lake but a hot soak sounded appealing.

As he was about to undress, there was a knock on the door. He opened it to find Marissa standing there.

"Hello." She said. "I saw you helping the workers so I figured you would appreciate a hot bath."

"Thank you."

"I wanted you to know that I sent word to have your room ready at the compound."

"Thank you." He said again, trying to mask his happiness.

"No Alistair." She said. "I'm the one who needs to say thank you. I'm glad you were with me before Ser Gilmore passed away. I appreciate the help you gave me in giving his remaining moments some meaning."

"He was a good man. I was glad to help you." "Indeed he was." Marissa said. "I will never forget what he did for me that night."

"_Nor will I." Alistair thought_

"I better let you get to your bath. I'll see you at supper."

Alistair closed his eyes and saw that the window was slightly more open and it filled him with hope.

***************

Marissa walked in her brother's study finding him going through some boxes.

"There you are." He said. "I wanted to talk to you about that request you made_."_

_ "Let me guess;" She said. "Your men could not find any record of any Duncan in Highever?"_

_ "Well the search did not turn up anything, but I was going over some diaries I found that once belonged to Aunt Lorena and she mentions a Duncan__. _It's probably just a coincidence but I remember how close you were with her and I thought you'd like to have them."

"Oh thank you Brother!" Marissa said eagerly. "I actually have been thinking a lot about her lately. "

Aunt Lorena was her father's younger sister and was a rogue back in the day Orlais had occupied Ferelden. She led many of the rebellions back in the day and was considered a hero by many. Lorena never married but doted on Marissa and Fergus. Marissa was her favorite though and she had taught her many of the traits that helped her survive the night the castle was taken. Lorena died when Marissa was 12; she had been killed by a man who had proposed marriage. She had declined his proposal and the man took offense by that rejection and struck her down after she turned and walked away. It was the first time Marissa had experienced real grief. After the funeral she would spend days sitting by the creek where she used to spend with her Aunt.

It was the only place that gave her solace.

Marissa's father had organized several units of his soldiers to search every inch of land to look for the man who had killed his sister in such a cowardly fashion and several weeks later they did find him, already dead but even that did not diminish Marissa's sadness. The Aunt who loved her and had taught so much was gone.

"You are a great deal like her you know." Fergus told her

"You think so?"

"Oh indeed." Fergus smiled. "She led a very unconventional life, much like you are now."

"Well, thank you." Marissa managed to laugh, taking the journals. "I'm sure her mention of a Duncan is merely a coincidence but it will certainly be interesting reading about her adventures.

"Now can we talk about Alistair for a moment?" Fergus said.

"What is there to talk about?"

"Sister;" Fergus said in an exasperated tone. "It was only a few days ago I watched you two beating the tar out of each other on the arena floor and then you invite him to Highever. Now granted; he's been a great asset in helping with the rebuilding, I still don't understand."

"Fergus." Marissa said. "Alistair is a Gray Warden. I need him to be there to help make Ser Gilmore's final moments…" She paused. "I have not forgotten that night before the battle but I have to put aside my feelings for the sake of rebuilding the Gray Wardens."

"And that's all there is to it?" he asked.

"Yes." Marissa said. "And that's all…it will ever be."

Fergus watched her leave the room.

***********

Marissa and Alistair were surprised to be greeted with applause and accolades when they returned to Denerim a few days later. It turned out their battle helped to bolster trade agreements between Ferelden and Orlais which put them in the Queen's good graces.

"Orlesians do tend to love a passionate display." Giselle said; making both Alistair and Marissa turn red.

On the second night at the compound, Alistair walked in his room to see Duncan's shield lying on his bed. He picked it up and held it against him for a few moments then gently placed it against the wall and prepared to go to bed.

.


	8. Chapter 8

"We owe you can apology Marissa." Paul said. "We are sort of responsible for getting Alistair to the arena."

"We only had your best interest at heart." Giselle added. "And look at the results; it did bring him back to the fold."

"Did you encourage him to be a challenger?" Marissa asked.

"We initially just thought he would attend." Giselle told her. "Paul inspired Alistair to do the challenge."

"He's never felt worthy of you Marissa." Giselle said. "When your battle came to a draw it really bolstered his confidence."

"But I have always considered him an equal." Marissa said

"Did you ever tell him?" Paul asked.

"I always figured he knew. Alistair was always there by my side during our travels and the battles. When we made plans, there would be times where he actually would finish my sentences. And he always knew when I needed back up during a battle. I just thought he knew."

Marissa got up from her chair. "There must be something seriously wrong with me. Back at Highever Castle, the man who was instrumental in saving me that night admitted he had feelings for me before he died. He said he was afraid to admit them because he did not have much to offer me."

"I appreciate what you did, but please don't try to interfere in my life again." Marissa continued.

"We won't." They promised.

"I don't understand." She sighed. "I left Duncan's shield in his room and he still has not used it when he goes on patrols."

"He will use it when he's ready." Paul said.

"But when will that be?" Marissa asked when she left the room.

"It's true what they say about war." Giselle said. "Those who survive are always broken."

"And it always takes time to put the pieces back together again."

****************

It had been several weeks since Alistair's return to the Gray Wardens, where he spends his days patrolling the roads and working with Paul and Giselle learning how to run things. His encounters with Marissa were at best awkward, reminding him of the time when he first fell in love with her. Since his return, they really had not talked like they should have. She never discussed the night he left the battle but could tell it weighed on her. It was not that she was angry, she was just polite to him in the same way a person would be when meeting someone for the first time. The only time had seen any real emotion from her is when he questioned her decision on Jowan being recruited to the Gray Wardens.

"Alistair will you please stop thinking as templar for once." She asked, her eyes glaring at him.

In the end, he realized she was right and that having a blood mage in the Gray Wardens would benefit them.

When not busy with the duties of warden, Marissa would spend her free time at the orphanage. She had won nearly 200 sovereign from the tournament, which enabled them to make extensive repairs, including the addition of a schoolroom. The matrons were grateful and said the gold would help them for quite some time. Marissa seemed to be at her happiest there, playing with the children.

Most of the time in the compound, Alistair noticed how Marissa would always appear to be lost in her thoughts. Alistair longed for the days where she would look at him with those beautiful eyes and that knowing smile but he knew it would never be the same.

**********

_"Truthfully, you were always first choice." Duncan said._

Marissa sat up in her bed and got up. Her dreams of the darkspawn mostly subsided but now replaced by the nightmare of being in the larder, the night she escaped with Duncan as her father lay dying with her mother choosing to stay at his side.

"Stop it!' She admonished herself. "You have to move on from this."

Deciding to read one of her Aunt's journals, she pushed the chair closer to the fire and made herself comfortable.

************

_Twas a glorious day in the woods. My niece learned how to summon a raccoon and her darling smile and squeals of delight still fill my heart. I love my nephew with all my heart and while it's a joy to play with him; I feel this unbridled duty to nurture my niece into growing into something that is more than what is expected of her. She has her mother to teach her the traditional and my brother is educating her and teaching her the classical methods of __warriordom. I will teach her my means and my methods and she will learn that a woman can have a choice on how they chose their path._

_ Marissa looked up briefly, smiling and wiping the tears from her eyes and proceeded to read another page._

_ Marissa asked the question I was dreading. She asked me why I never married so I told her in my heart I was._

_ "We cannot be together." I told her. _

_ "But Aunt Lorena;" She said. "You are so beautiful and you can have anyone."_

_ "No. There will be no one else for me."_

_ When Marissa said she didn't understand; I told her she would when she gets older and that it was my hope she will find her soul mate just the way I did._

_ "True love knows no bounds." I told her. "He is always with me."_

_**************_

_ "Marissa?" _

_ She looked up from what she was reading to see Giselle standing at the door._

_ "Yes?"_

_ "Just received a report about a group of stragglers." Giselle said. "I'm heading out with Paul and Alistair."_

_ "Do you need me to get dressed?" Marissa asked._

_ "No." Giselle smiled. "We'll take care of it"_

_ "Alright. Stay safe."_

_ Marissa set the journal down and walked outside. Noticing the door to Alistair's room open she walked over to close it but curiosity got the best of her and she walked inside._

_ She immediately noticed Duncan's shield hanging on the wall close to his bed. Marissa looked at the shelves of books arranged alphabetically but another smaller shelf is what caught her attention. Marissa was surprised to see all the little trinkets she had gotten him on their journey neatly placed on the shelf. He had kept everything she had given him. _

_ Marissa walked over to his bed and sat down; she closed her eyes and slowly remembered._

_************_

_"You know what would be nice after this blight business is dealt with?" Marissa said as she snuggled against Alistair's chest._

_ "What?" Alistair said as he played with her hair._

_ Marissa reached over and whispered in his ear making him instantly grin._

_ "The whole week?" He chuckled. "Wouldn't we need to get up to eat every now and then? I mean you are well aware of an appetite of a Gray Warden."_

_ "You mean to say that a Gray Warden cannot have an appetite for things other than food?"_

_ Alistair laughed then gently rolled her over and moved on top of her._

_"You just gave me another reason why I love you so much." He said _

_ "Just kiss me." She said hungrily, waiting for his lips to lay blissfully on hers._

_ And then __their__ lips did meet, and the feeling was so overpowering, they got lost in the moment of it._

_*************_

_ Marissa sighed as she opened her eyes. Standing up, she took one last glance around and left the room._

**************

Marissa was working on the duty roster the next afternoon when Paul and Giselle came in lugging Alistair on a stretcher.

"What in the Maker happened?" Marissa rushed over to them.

"An Ogre;" Paul said. "It knocked him around a bit."

"He'll be fine. Looks like he has a cracked rib and a bump on the head."

"Get him up to his room."

Alistair opened his eyes and found himself lying in his bed. Groaning as he put his hand on chest, he discovered he had been bandaged.

Hearing a moan, Alistair turned his head to see Marissa asleep on the chair beside him.

He watched her as she stirred and opened her eyes.

"Alistair?" She said, looking at him.

"How are you feeling?" Marissa got up from the chair and went to him.

"I'm much better." He said. "Thank you for helping me."

"You know that over active bravado of yours is going to be the end of you one

Day." She told him. "Please be careful next time. "

"I promised I will."

"Are you hungry?" Marissa smiled.

"I'm starving." Alistair told her while trying to hide his joy at seeing her smile.

"I'll go make you something to eat." She got up and stopped at the doorway and turned to look back at him. "I'll be right back."

"I'll be here."

*************

Before heading to the larder, Marissa stopped and leaned against the wall, briefly covering her face with her hands.

"Oh thank you Maker! Thank you!"

*************

After a few days of bed rest, Alistair was well enough to go downstairs. Marissa was sitting and drinking some tea, lost in thought.

"Hello."

Marissa looked up at him and smiled. "Good to see you up and about."

"It got bloody boring lying in that bed all day doing nothing."

Alistair instantly blushed at what he said hoping Marissa wouldn't notice.

"Alistair have you ever wondered why Duncan never took

those treaties from us when we got back from the Wilds that night before the battle?"

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"He wanted us to get those treaties but he never took them."

"He probably just forgot. Remember Duncan did have a great deal weighing on him that

night."

"I supposed you're right." Marissa said. "I guess I just think too much about things."

"Yes." Alistair said feeling slightly miffed at her insinuation. "Now if you

excuse me; I think I will be heading back to my room.

Marissa watched him leave in a huff, obviously offended by her question.


	9. Chapter 9

"I think Alistair is mad at me." Marissa said to Wynne as they were strolling down the marketplace.

"Really?" Wynne look surprised. "What did you say to him?"

"I've been doing a great deal of thinking lately and something just dawned on me. At Ostagar; before the battle, Duncan had us go into the Wilds for darkspawn blood and the treaties."

"And that journey leads you to Morrigan and her mother who had them." Wynne said

"I just realized that when we returned to camp, Duncan never asked for the treaties or even looked at them after we told him they were in our possession."

"So you asked Alistair about it and I think I can understand why he would be angry." Wynne said. "You were implying that Duncan may have foreseen what would happen."

"Don't you find it odd?"

"Duncan was a man of many layers." Wynne told her. "I really didn't know him that well but in the few conversations we had, I could see the heavy burden he had being a Gray Warden and how dedicated he was into rebuilding the Grey Wardens in Ferelden."

"I remember that too."

"Perhaps his mind was focused on the battle and he just forgot."

"You're probably right." Marissa sighed. "I have just been thinking way too much lately; especially about something he said that night in the larder before we fled the castle."

"What did he say?"

"When I asked about Ser Gilmore being recruited; he looked straight at me and told me I was his first choice."

"_Truthfully you were always my first choice." _

"Duncan probably had good instincts about you."

"No Wynne." Marissa said. "Its like he knew about me. When my mother told him I was responsible for her making it to the larder, he said he wasn't surprised."

"Perhaps your father said something earlier about your abilities." She suggested.

"I guess you could be right." Marissa sighed.

"You know Marissa." Wynne said. "In the aftermath of war there are times when survivors question why they are alive. Emotional wounds can be equally devastating as physical wounds. "

"So you're saying I'm going mad?" Marissa asked.

"Oh no!" Wynne laughed. "I'm just saying you're reading too much into things and it was only natural for Alistair would be upset. Nobody wants to hear that the person they look up to could have somehow foreseen their own demise."

"Should I apologize again?"

"No." Wynne said. "Alistair will get over it."

"I hope so." Marissa sighed. "You know he still hasn't used Duncan's shield since I gave it back to him."

"He still has a great deal of his own inner demons to work through, Marissa. When he is ready, he will use it."

"Now tell me more about your Aunt Lorena." Wynne continued. "From your stories about her, it's obvious she was an incredible woman."

"She was." Marissa smiled. "And if she had been there the night the castle was taken over, I know she would have fought to the death."

"How tragic that she was murdered in such a cowardly way."

"I still remember the morning my father told me." Marissa said.

*************

"_Pup."_

_Marissa turned to see her father smiling at her. Pleased that he took time out to go to the special place she shares with her Aunt, she runs over to him and hugs him._

"_Father!" Marissa exclaimed. "Have you come to see what Auntie Lorena has taught me? She should be here soon and we can show you."_

_The Teyrn sat on the grass. _

"_Come sit with me my darling girl." He said. 'There is something I need to tell you."_

_Marissa snuggled up close to her father as he put his arm around her. She immediately noticed the sad look in his eyes._

"_What is it Father?" She asked. _

"_Oh Maker please give me the strength." She watched him pray._

"_Father?"_

"_Your Aunt is not coming to see you." He said._

"_Did she have to do something for you?" Marissa asked_

"_No my sweet girl." He said gently. "She...is with the Maker now. Lorena was killed last night." _

"_No." Marissa said. "You have to be mistaken. Auntie Lorena said she would meet me today."_

"_No my darling." The Teyrn said. "I wish it were not so but I saw her."_

"_No!" Marissa got up and ran off toward the family crypt."_

***************** **

"I ran all the way to the family crypt and Mother Mallol was there with some others. She was trying to hold me back but I broke free**." **Marissa continued. "And I lifted the blanket. She just looked asleep to me. I kept calling her name, thinking she would wake up…but after the tenth time I knew she was dead. The last thing I remember is my father picking me up. He carried me in his arms all the way back to the castle while I just cried."

"That must have been horrible for you, being so young and losing your Aunt that way."

"It was." Marissa sighed. "For weeks after the funeral I would just go to our special spot outside. I did not want to lose that connection to her."

"So you mentioned that they discovered your aunt's murderer already dead."

"Yes." Marissa said. "My father had only told me that justice had been swift but I overhead him talking to my mother about it one day. He said my Aunt's murderer was killed with such extreme brutality that it even disturbed a few of his men who had found him. My father said the man who killed my aunt saw his killer and bore witness to his own death."

"I am no endorser of vigilantism but that man killed your aunt and he would have continued to kill." Wynne said

"True." Marissa sighed. "But it was not much of a consolation for me."

"I know she's looking down at you and is proud of what you have become." Wynne smiled.

"Thank you." Marissa said. "I plan to continue to live by her principles. They have kept me alive so far."

Marissa and Wynne continued their trek back to the compound.

******************

Alistair walked by the doorway of Marissa's room that evening. She was playing cards with Wynne and seeing them sit at the table laughing and talking brought back memories of one of the last times he spent with Duncan before Ostagar.

*****************

_Alistair shuffled the cards while Duncan came in with two steins of ale. _

"_You know you didn't have to stay, you could have gone to The Pearl with the other men." Duncan said_

"_No." Alistair said feeling a bit embarrassed. "I have no interest in sowing my oats before the battle."_

"_You are definitely not your father's son." Duncan said._

"_Duncan have you ever been…in love?" Alistair asked. "What is it like?"_

_Alistair watched Duncan's face grow pale as he closed his eyes, obviously affected by the question."_

"_I didn't mean to pry." Alistair said. _

"_No, it's alright." Duncan said. "To answer your question, yes I did love somebody once."_

"_Was she a Grey Warden?" Alistair asked._

"_No. I was afraid of losing her during The Joining." Duncan explained. "I let her go, but we kept in touch through letters. There was never anyone else after her."_

"_Wow." Alistair was surprised. "She must have been very special."_

"_She was..." Duncan sighed. "So beautiful inside and out; and the way she looked at me, I could feel it touch my soul. Her strength and courage were proof enough that she was worthy of becoming a Grey Warden, had I not been afraid to take the chance. She did not deserve what…" Duncan abruptly stopped talking._

_ "What happened to her?" Alistair asked._

"_She died."_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_No." Duncan told him. "Don't be. You merely asked a question and my answer is yes, I have loved before." _

_ "Now let's discuss the matters at hand." Duncan continued. "Once we made camp at Ostagar, I'll be traveling to Highever for that third recruit."_

"_I hope this recruit is not like Ser Jory or Daveth." Alistair said._

"_What are you issues with them?" Duncan asked, obviously impressed by Alistair's perceptions._

"_Ser Jory just seems a bit high strung to me while with Daveth, I'm tired of having to check my pockets all the time."_

_Duncan laughed. "I'll have a talk with Daveth before we leave. As for Jory, I understand what you're saying. He excelled at that tournament but he can be a bit squirrelly. He just needs to calm down. As for this new recruit, I don't think you will have issues with them. I have had contacts monitoring this recruit for me for quite some time now, and have received nothing but favorable reports regarding their character and abilities."_

_ "Is it the policy of the Grey Wardens to track potential recruits?" Alistair asked._

_ "Not usually." Duncan said. "This is just a rare…exception."_

* * *

"Alistair?"

He broke from his daze to see Marissa and Wynne looking at him.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes." He smiled at them. "I just wanted to say goodnight."

"Goodnight." They said.

Alistair went in his room and sat on the chair by his bed thinking about what he just remembered.

* * *

A gust of cold wind instantly woke Marissa up and she discovered a think white mist had enveloped her room. After getting up to close a window, she turned when hearing some strange sounds and gasped.

In the mist, she could see Duncan sitting at the table.

"Duncan?"

As Marissa stepped closer to him, she realized she could see right through him.

"Duncan?"

She got no response and watched as he wrote in a book. A few moments later he got up; pushed a chest away from the wall and bent over. Marissa watched as he lifted several planks of floor and placed the book down. After putting everything back in place, he walked over to the door. She watched him take one last look at the room and leave.

Marissa didn't see the mist evaporate around her as she eyed the chest against the wall. Walking slowly toward it as if she was sizing up a combatant before a tournament, Marissa pushed it out of the way and knelt down. With her hands shaking she reached for the loose flooring and slowly lifted them.

"Dear Maker!" Marissa dropped the planks.

Inside the hidden space, were two books and a box.

Marissa picked up one of the books and as she was about to read, Giselle rushed in.

"We need you!"

"What's wrong?" Marissa asked.

"Get dressed, we'll tell you on the way."


	10. Chapter 10

Marissa, Alistair, and Giselle walked around the field as Paul and the other wardens started to set fire to the bodies.

They discovered the remains of a blood mage among the carcasses of several darkspawn that had appeared to be ritually drained of their blood.

"This is bad." Giselle said. "If there are _maleficars harnessing the power of darkspawn blood; their power could pose a threat as great as any archdemon."_

_ "Wynne is our liaison to the Circle." Marissa said. "This may be a random occurrence but we should let them know just in case._

_ "We could also give Jowan a small sample of darkspawn blood and maybe he can devise something to counteract any of the magic we encounter." Alistair suggested. _

_ "That is an excellent idea." Marissa told him. "We best be prepared if this happens again and you should also keep up your Templar abilities."_

_ Alistair could feel Marissa looking at him._

_ "Of course." He said._

_ While the discovery of what she discovered in the hidden floor space of her room still weighed heavily on her; Marissa smiled at Alistair remembering how much they completed each other when they were on their journey to unite Ferelden. It felt right to her that they working on this together._

* * *

_'Maker's Breath! She's smiling at me.'_

_Alistair couldn't remember the last time she smiled at him that way. It made him want to stop time so he could hold on to the moment. _

_ "I also propose initiating a bounty on anyone who may have any direct ties to maleficars." Giselle said. "It could be the only way we get answers." _

_ "Good idea." Alistair and Marissa both said in unison. _

_ "Let's head back to the compound." Giselle said; trying to hide her amusement at seeing the way Alistair and Marissa were looking at each other. _

* * *

_ "Marissa?" _

_ She looked up to see Wynne standing in her doorway. _

_ "Come in and shut the door behind you."_

_ "I thought you should know that a messenger from the Circle delivered a new copy of the Litany of Adralla to use in case of any blood magic, but Irving said it could be less powerful if darkspawn blood is being harnessed." Wynne said. "Alistair put in the vault."_

_ Wynne realized Marissa was not paying attention._

_ "Wynne, you know that night we played cards? " Marissa asked. "After you went to bed…something happened."_

_ "What happened?"_

_ "I saw Duncan sitting in the chair I am sitting in right now." Marissa told her. And he led me to this."_

_ Marissa showed her the two books and the box and the secret hidden space in the floor._

_ "Have you looked at what you found?"_

_ "No." Marissa admitted. "A part of me is scared to and the other part of me was waiting for you to return."_

_ "I think your time in the Fade when we were reclaiming the Circle has made you more sensitive when it comes to spirits. Have you ever been visited by Duncan when you dream?"_

_ "No."_

_ "Did Duncan talk to you when you saw his ghost?"_

_ "No." Marissa shook her head. "It felt like I was watching a memory of something that happened in the past."_

_ "What are you waiting for?" Wynne smiled. _

_ Trembling; Marissa dropped the book and picked it up, deciding to tread carefully and read one of the last entries._

* * *

_It has been two days since fleeing Highever Castle. We have not encountered any of Howe's men thus far and the further we get the more reassured I feel that we will be safe as we journey to Ostagar. Marissa has been quiet for the most part; only saying the occasional thank you or engaging in the occasional small talk. She has not grieved yet and I know that I must force it out of her if need be because she cannot face what is to come in the current state she is in. It's strange; when I look at her I get this strong sense of faith that she will survive the Joining. It has been written in Warden History, that the taint can often give one the gift of prescience. The last time I felt this way was when I had conscripted Alistair and my instincts were correct there. If what I have seen beyond the horizon is true and not some taint addled figment of my imagination, Alistair and Marissa will be the ones pivotal in ushering the Gray Wardens into a new era for Ferelden._

* * *

_ "Did Duncan help you grieve?" Wynne asked._

_ "Yes." Marissa could feel the tears streaming down her face. "We were about seven days away from Ostagar and there was this horrible storm. We took shelter in this abandoned barn and as we were sitting there he suddenly said that I must not really have loved my parents enough since I haven't grieved for them."_

_ "And what did you do after he said that?" _

_ "I was surprised by what he said but I denied it." Marissa said. "I told him I had to remain strong and make them proud. He didn't accept that and continued to say the most horrible things."_

_ "What did you do?" Wynne asked._

_ "I was in a state of shock at first." Marissa said. "I could not believe after all we went through that he was saying all these horrible things. I protested. I begged him to stop and then I couldn't take it anymore and ran out in the rain and that's when I finally cried."_

_ "I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned and saw him looking at me with the most understanding eyes and at that moment I realized what he was trying to do." Marissa continued. "He helped me up and held me as I unleashed all my grief. As long as I live, I will never forget him for that as well as for seeing the strength in me that I thought I never had. He was a good man who deserved a better fate."_

_ "Did you make a stop at Denerim before heading to Ostagar?" Wynne asked._

_ "Those first couple of days after fleeing the castle are still a blur." Marissa said. "He hired a wagon and I remember him paying the driver extra to watch me while he went to get supplies. That is probably when he went to the compound for one last time."_

_ "Let me read the entry before this one."_

* * *

_The moment finally arrived today. Teyrn Cousland introduced me to her earlier today in the main hall. After all the years I spent monitoring her progress with the aid from my contacts as well as the occasional sojourns I made into a Highever to view the tournaments her father held while in disguise as a Highever citizen, it was a relief as well as a bit of shock to speak to her. My contact's description of her gave her no justice, for she is quite beautiful but what struck me most were her eyes. She has her aunt's eyes. For a moment, they transported me back to another time._

* * *

_ "She has her aunt's eyes?" Marissa dropped the book._

_ "Oh Maker." She gasped._

_ "Marissa, what's wrong?" Wynne asked._

_ "He knew…my aunt." Marissa whispered._

_ Picking up the book, Marissa continued to read._

* * *

_She was very polite and expressed an interest in speaking to me later which I look forward to. Her father was a bit taken aback by my suggestion that she would make an excellent recruit and while I made a promise to him that I would not invoke the Right of Conscription, Marissa is an adult and capable of making her own decisions so I intend to formally invite her again. I am going to keep that promise I made to myself after Lorena was killed. _

* * *

_ Marissa put the book down. "I can't believe it. My aunt mentioned a Duncan in her journals. I just thought it was another man. I never dreamed it could be him "_

_ She reached over and handed one her aunt's journals to Wynne._

_ "Aunt Lorena once told me that she considered herself married even though they could not be together. She was talking about Duncan."_

_ Marissa opened Duncan's journal and poured through the pages while Wynne read her aunt's. _

* * *

_ I know why I could no longer feel her. Lorena is dead; and the way she was killed was not only heinous but cowardly. She was killed as she walked away from an admirer she spurned. And now I feel an emptiness that will never be filled again. _

_My contacts in Highever say her niece has been inconsolable. I have taken a leave from the Wardens. I made my request sound as if I was looking for recruits but I am going to find the man that did this to her and he is going to meet my blade. I know I am violating what the Wardens stand for but this is something I cannot put aside. _

* * *

_ "He was the one who killed him." Marissa said. "So many pieces to the puzzle are coming together now. I still don't understand why he would have contacts tracking me for all these years."_

_ Wynne looked up from what she was reading. "Your aunt mentions in her journal that she wrote letters to Duncan and that she talked about you in great detail. Perhaps you were the connection to her that he was seeking. "_

_ "But why recruit me to the Gray Wardens?" Marissa asked. _

_ "Didn't you say your aunt wanted so much more for you?" Wynne smiled_

_ Marissa turned the page and began to read another entry._

* * *

_It is done. The man who killed my Lorena is dead. In the end, he begged for mercy so I ended his own suffering that was brought by my hand. The Maker will sit in judgment of him as well as me but I don't care. She did not deserve to die in that manner. My mind is haunted by the decision of not recruiting her to the Gray Wardens. The fear of losing her was just too great for me to consider. While on my way to the crypt today, I took a detour through the wooded area of the grounds and saw a young girl sitting under a tree and I immediately realized she was Lorena's niece when I watched her summon a fox. I remained hidden in the bushes and watched her cavort with the animals she called forth and then she got up, ran down a hill before she somersaulted several times. It was then that I decided that while I would keep my distance; I would have my contacts give me updates on her life. It's a fool hardy thing to do, but I think Lorena would not mind me keeping tabs on the niece she held so dear."_

* * *

_"Duncan was afraid he would lose her to the Joining." Marissa said._

_ "And he wanted to give you that chance to be everything your Aunt wanted you to be." Wynne smiled. _

_ Marissa wiped the tears from her eyes and continued to browse through _

_the journal and looked up after reading one passage._

_ "He really cared a great deal about Alistair and held him high regard."_

_Marissa said. _

_ "You need to show him this." Wynne said. "It would ease his burden."_

_ "I will." Marissa said._

_ "How are you two doing?"_

_ "It's strange." Marissa said. "There are moments when it's like that night he left never happened, while other times we seem to be avoiding each other."_

_ "You will never be able to move forward until you talk with him about the events of that night." Wynne said. "And neither will he." _

_ "Believe me Wynne." Marissa sighed. "I know."_

* * *

_ Thomas Howe knelt before the portrait of Marissa, placing flowers before it._

_ He should have hated her for killing his father but it made him love her all the more because she had freed him from the years of abuse he had endured. His father had even lied to him about promising to keep Marissa alive and all that was left for him was this portrait. Thomas had managed to escape his father's estate with a sizable portion of gold and soon he would have his heart's desire with the help of the blood mages that work for him._

_ "So beautiful." He whispered. "We will be together soon my love."_


	11. Chapter 11

"Do I really have to attend this ball?" Marissa asked as she stood on a chair being fitted for her gown by the Queen's tailors.

"You are the hero of Ferelden." Giselle said. "People are expecting you. The Queen is counting on you. Why do you think her tailors are here?"

"I don't think Anora trusted me enough to be able to dress myself properly." Marissa remarked; fidgeting as the tailors stuck pins in various areas of the garment.

"You come from nobility." Giselle laughed. "You should be used to it."

Marissa closed her eyes as she remembered the balls her family held in Highever.

"That seems like a lifetime ago."

"Think of how fun it will be." Giselle smiled. "There will be dancing, lots of food and wine, and other entertainment. You won't be spending every waking moment with dignitaries."

* * *

Alistair walked by Marissa's room and watched her being fitted for her gown.

"Maker's Breath!" He whispered.

The dress was red velvet that conformed to her figure while the silk sleeves were off her shoulders. She looked so beautiful.

After taking one last glance, he continued to his room.

* * *

Marissa opened her jewelry box and took out the rose pendant. It would be the first time she has touched it since it getting it back from the crystal smith in Orzammar. When getting her gown fitted, she knew it would be the only piece of jewelry she would wear.

"I hope he remembers."

"I'm sure he will." Giselle smiled

* * *

Marissa sat her in room that evening, reading some of the letters she found in the box Duncan left behind. She was shocked to discover that one of his contacts worked at the castle. He was a librarian who had worked for Scribe _Aldous. _

_ The librarian would send Duncan news of how her studies progressed as well as well as tidbits of information about her life that he would get from the maids._

_Duncan even knew when her father gifted her with her Mabari Hound. One letter even mentioned the maids telling the librarian how Marissa rebuffed another potential groom_

_Her mother would set her up with._

_ Her fierce independence was often a source of friction with her mother. While Marissa loved her mother dearly and appreciated all the things she instilled in her; she did not like it when she played matchmaker. _

_ Marissa got up and headed towards Alistair's door. _

_ "Alistair?" She knocked on the door. _

_ Alistair opened the door. His robe was partially opened, revealing his perfectly sculpted chest and Marissa could feel her face flush._

_ "Is everything alright?" _

_ "Yes." Marissa smiled. "I was just wondering if you are going to the ball."_

_ "I seriously doubt it." Alistair said. "I was never one for formal events."_

_ Marissa tried to hide her disappointment. "Oh I see. I was…hoping."_

_ "Hoping?" _

_ "Never mind." She said. "Goodnight."_

_ He watched her enter her room and shut the door._

_ "Stupid... stupid thing to say." He shook his head. "What a fool I am."_

* * *

_ Marissa knew she was dreaming in the fade when she saw Oren skip to her. _

_ "She's waiting for you, Auntie." He said; pointing to a figure of a woman_

_standing in the distance._

_ "Aunt Lorena!" Marissa ran to the woman who held out her arms for her._

_ She looked exactly like Marissa last saw her; her brown hair swept away from her face and her sparkling green eyes beaming._

_ "Duncan was right." She laughed. "You do have my eyes."_

_ "Aunt Lorena." Marissa cried as she hugged her. "I've missed you so much."_

_ "My sweet girl." Lorena took Marissa's hand as they walked. "I have always been with you. I was there when you fought your way through the castle and I felt your pain as you fled with Duncan leaving your parents behind."_

_ "Howe's men would have regretted it if you had been there."_

_ Lorena laughed. "Oh indeed, they would have most definitely experienced my wrath."_

_ "My darling niece, I saw your journey to unite Ferelden. I witnessed your battles and the obstacles you faced. And I cried tears of joy when I saw you fall in love with Alistair." _

_ Marissa was at a loss for words._

_ "Words cannot describe how proud I am at what you've become." Lorena said. "And there is so much more in store for you…and Alistair."_

_ "I don't understand what you're saying."_

_ "You need to look at this."_

_ Marissa turned to see Alistair in the distance. He was standing there watching a huge mirror that looked to be playing back memories of his past._

_ Marissa walked over to him and saw that he was watching the moment he was sent off to the chantry. It suddenly switched to the night after Landsmeet where he unleashed his rage at her and then it changed to a moment where she was fighting the archdemon._

_ Marissa turned to look at him. Alistair's face was haunted with grief and guilt and he did not respond when Marissa called his name._

_ She gently moved closer to him and put her arms around him as he continued to look at the mirror of changing images._

_ The minute she kissed his cheek was when Marissa found herself being pulled away. She woke up in her bed and sat up wondering if she had actually visited Alistair's dream._

* * *

_ Alistair jumped out of bed startled by what he experienced in his dream._

_It felt so real. He touched his cheek where she kissed it. Sighing wistfully, Alistair got dressed, dismissing the experience as being part of his dream._

* * *

_ Marissa was in the dining room eating porridge when Alistair came in._

_ "Good morning." She said. _

_ "Morning." He replied._

_ "Did you sleep well?" Marissa asked_

_ "Um….yes." He said; trying to hide the nervous tone in his voice._

_"Did you?"_

_ "For the most part."_

_ Giselle came in just as the awkwardness was about to drown them. _

_ "You just received a note from the Queen." Giselle said, handing her a folded parchment with the royal seal._

_ Marissa broke the seal and read the note. "Bann Teagan is going to be my escort to the ball. It seems I not only don't know how to dress myself, I need an escort as well."_

_ Alistair bristled with jealousy at hearing this. He still remembered the way Teagan flirted with her when they first traveled to Redcliffe. _

_ "I shouldn't complain." Marissa said. "Teagan is a good friend and was really supportive after the battle."_

_ "Will you excuse me?" Alistair said as he got up from the table, feeling as if he was just gutted by a sword._

_ "For the love of the Maker!" Giselle chided Marissa. "Why did you just say that?"_

_ "I don't know." Marissa sighed. "Last night I mustered the courage to ask Alistair if he was going to be attending the ball but from what he said, it looks like he's not going."_

_ "What did he say?" Giselle asked_

_ "He said he wasn't one for formal events." Marissa said. _

_ "Once he sees you in that beautiful gown, he will change his mind." Giselle declared._

_ "I just don't know anymore." Marissa shook her sadly._

_*****************_

_ The afternoon before the ball, Marissa soaked in a tub of hot water that was scented with lavender and rose oil, while Leliana paced around anxious to work on her makeup._

_ "I can't believe how many notes you have received from men requesting that you save a dance for them." Leliana marveled._

_ "Ugh." Marissa groaned. "Don't remind me."_

_ Earlier in the day, Marissa had received notes from Ser Perth, Ser Donnel, and a few nobles requesting that she save a dance for them at the ball. _

_ "I suppose I should feel flattered but the only man I would love to save a dance for is not even coming."_

_ Leliana handed Marissa a towel as she got out of the tub._

_ "There is still time for him to change his mind."_

_ "I doubt it." Marissa said as she proceeded to put on the dress._

_ "There." Marissa continued. "I'm all yours. Just don't overdo it. I am not interested in looking like a worker from The Pearl."_

_ "You needn't worry." Leliana laughed. "You don't appear to be the type that needs much makeup. I just plan to highlight your features."_

* * *

_ Alistair paced around his room in an agitated state. He had just met up with Bann Teagan and Arl Eamon and was stunned to learn Marissa had never told them what happened the night before the final battle. She had told them that he led another unit and was presumed lost. She had lied for him and it made him feel more ashamed for his actions. _

_ He finally noticed the set of formal attire that had been placed on his bed. Realizing it was probably Paul or Giselle who had placed it he grabbed it and was about to fling it out the window but stopped and set it down then sat down on the chair._

* * *

_ Alistair was heading downstairs as Marissa came out of the room. _

_The sight of her nearly took his breath away but he broke from his trance when noticing the pendant around her neck._

_ "Alistair?"_

_ "That pendant you're wearing." He couldn't take his eyes off it. "That can't be…"_

_ "It's the rose you gave me Alistair." Marissa interrupted. _

_ "I…. can't believe you kept it." _

_ "I could have never thrown this away. You gave it to me." She looked at him. "When…I thought… you weren't coming back, I had it preserved in crystal."_

_ "I don't know what to say."_

_ His hand shaking, Alistair touched her cheek and he slowly came to realize she was moving closer to him. He closed his eyes when feeling her lips on his cheek, the kiss reminding him instantly of the dream he had. _

_ Jowan suddenly came out of his room, interrupting the moment._

_ "I'm finished with the wards." He said happily, holding a small red crystal. I've infused a drop of archdemon blood into these crystals; these should help provide protection for any of the more powerful blood magic that comes along._

_ Jowan handed Marissa a crystal._

_ Marissa inspected the crystal and then hastily slipped it in the tiny pocket her gown had._

_ "Excellent work Jowan." She told him. "I hate to cut this short but I am late." _

_ "Have a good time." Jowan said._

_ She turned to see Alistair entering his room and shutting the door._

* * *

_ Marissa saw Teagan waiting for her by the bottom of the stairs. He was standing next to Fergus and Leliana, sharing a laugh with them._

_ "Sorry for being late."_

_ Teagan looked up at her and smiled as she slowly made her way down the stairs, trying to get accustomed to the shoes she was wearing._

_ "My Lady." He held out his arm to her. "You look absolutely beautiful. I am honored to be your escort."_

_ "You're looking very handsome yourself." Marissa smiled, taking his arm._

_ "Shall we be off? He asked._

_ "Giselle said that she and Paul will be arriving later so we can leave right now." Marissa said._

_ "So dear sister, Leliana tells me you have a full dance card. I do hope you save at least one dance for me." Fergus smiled._

_ "Of course brother." Marissa laughed. _

_ Alistair stood silently at the top of the stairs and watched as they left._

* * *

_ Leliana, Wynne, and Fergus were standing by the banquet table watching Marissa in the distance. She was sitting in a chair talking and laughing with Teagan and several other admirers._

_ "Look at my sister holding court like that." Fergus laughed. "I don't know if Mother would be proud or disturbed to see all those men around her."_

_ "She is the hero of Ferelden." Wynne said. "It's normal that a lot of people would flock to her."_

_ "She's also very beautiful." Leliana added. "Beauty and power can be a powerful lure for some."_

_ Wynne watched Marissa away look away briefly toward the entrance then frown slightly._

_ "She may have a bevy of admirers but it's plainly obvious her heart still belongs to Alistair." Wynne remarked._

* * *

_ Alistair took one last look in the mirror. He had spent an hour berating himself and pacing around the room before finally bathing, shaving, and donning that attire. _

_ He was startled to see Paul and Giselle standing outside his door._

_ "Are you ready?" Giselle grinned. "It's not everyday I get escorted to a ball by two handsome men."_

_ Alistair managed a smile and took her other arm._

* * *

_ Marissa walked around the group of nobles and guests who were standing around the dance floor either watching the other couples dance or talking. She had done her duty for Queen Anora. She had talked with the other dignitaries, talked about how proud she was being a Gray Warden and regaled them with stories of her adventures when uniting Ferelden. She had also danced with everyone she promised a dance to. Marissa felt uncomfortable with all the attention and dancing with her brother was the only time that brought her relief for he did not treat her like a celebrity. She would always be his little sister despite being a Gray Warden._

_ "Marissa."_

_ She turned to see Ser Perth grinning at her._

_ Smiling; Marissa bowed to him._

_ "And what can I do for you?" _

_ "We're waiting for you on the dance floor." He took her hand and led her to a circle of dancers who applauded her when she came to them. Smiling and laughing, Marissa took joined the circle and she actually relaxed for a bit to the point of actually having fun._

* * *

_ Alistair entered the ball with Paul and Giselle and immediately looked around for Marissa. He finally spied her in the dance circle, smiling and laughing with Ser Perth and Bann Teagan. _

_ "How in the Maker's name can I compete with that?" He asked Paul and Giselle. _

_ "Alistair. Where does it say you have to compete?" Paul asked._

_ "You told Marissa you weren't planning to attend." Giselle reminded him. "Did you expect her to sit in a chair the entire time?"_

_ A servant holding a tray of wine goblets walked by and Alistair grabbed two of them. _

* * *

_ Marissa was still standing on the dance floor when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Alistair looking at her._

_ "May I have this dance?" He asked._

_ "Of course you can." She said happily. "I am so happy you changed your mind and decide to come."_

_ "Oh really?" He said coldly. "You looked like you were getting on fine without me earlier._

_ A chill went through Marissa as she heard that tone in his voice and saw the glare in his eyes. It reminded her of that night after the Landsmeet._

* * *

_ "Look!" Leliana exclaimed; pointing to Marissa and Alistair on the dance floor. "Alistair changed his mind."_

_ "Dear Maker!" Wynne said. "I've seen that look before. This is not going to bode well for either of them."_

* * *

_ The music stopped and the moment Alistair and Marissa stood there, seemed like an eternity._

_ Alistair bowed to her. "This was obviously a mistake. Will you excuse me?"_

_ Marissa stood there dumbfounded as she watched him leave then took off after him._

_ "Alistair wait!" She found him walking down a deserted hall. "Please don't go. We need to talk."_

_ "You want to talk?" He asked. "Let's talk! Why did you not tell the Arl and Teagan the real reason I was not at the battle?"_

_ "That's your responsibility." Marissa retorted._

_ "Why did you accept me back in the Wardens?" He grabbed her shoulders. "You seem to be doing well without me being the hero of Ferelden and all."_

_ "I never asked for this! I also never asked to lead." Marissa yelled angrily. "And yes you should have been there instead of being blinded by your over inflated sense of honor. I made that decision solely based on the principles on how the Wardens were founded. "_

_ "You know I would have taken the final blow for you." Alistair told her._

_ "How do you even know that a Warden dies when taking the final blow?" She asked. "You fled after you raged at me."_

_ "I ended up at Wardens Keep. I read some of the old archives."_

_ "So that's where you were between your lone hero routine." Marissa seethed._

_ "I thought you were dead." Alistair yelled. _

_ "Well I am here and standing before you." Marissa shot back. "I presume you are offended that Loghain got the final blow."_

_ "Yes I admit it!" Alistair shouted. "I was angry. But then I realized that was the only selfless act he had done throughout this and I wept in relief when I knew you were alive."_

_ Alistair watched the tears fill her eyes._

_ "I do not deserve any of the mercy you've given me. I am not worthy of it. It was right for me to give you leadership." He said quietly._

_ "I __**never**__ called myself leader throughout this and you __**know **__that. I always considered it the two of us. And do you think I enjoy this fame? I am proud of what I did to bring Ferelden together but I had a lot of help. And now I just want to be me again!!"_

_ "You are a Gray Warden. There is no going back to the way it was." Alistair said._

_ "And you need to learn to forgive yourself." Marissa told him. "You need to reconcile your past; otherwise you will never be able to move on. I dreamt about you; I saw you reliving your darkest moments. You have to get past all that."_

_ "Do you still love me?" He asked_

_ "I can't believe you even have to ask that Alistair." Marissa cried. _

_ Marissa brushed past him and ran off just as the comment about her dream registered in him._

_ "It was real." He breathed._

_ "Marissa!" _

_ Alistair heard her scream just as he went after her. Suddenly he felt an enormous amount of heat strike him, the shear force of it blowing him against the wall and knocking him unconscious._

* * *

_ Alistair opened his eyes and watched Duncan appear in the mist that swept around them. It was the first time he has seen Duncan since the night of the battle at Ostagar._

_ "The hour has come Alistair." He said. "Its time to show the world what you are made of." _

_ Alistair sat up in bed and it only took looking at the grim faces of Wynne and Giselle to realize what was happening._

* * *

_**EDITORS NOTE: Just want to apologize for the previous chapter looking weird.**_

_**I use WORD, but sometimes when uploading it doesn't come out right.**_

_**Thanks for reading too. **_____


	12. Chapter 12

"It happened so fast." Wynne told him. "While you were out with Marissa; I watched one of the Queens's serving girls place the tray down. Several others followed and I told Fergus and Leliana to run just as I saw the beam coming toward us."

"Anora's guards managed to get her out." Wynne continued.

"It was horrible." Leliana said. "People were running and screaming. The few guards that had weapons were no match for the blood mages. Fergus ended up having to kill one of the guards when he became possessed."

"That's when we saw Jowan and the other Wardens." Fergus said.

"They had seen the commotion and people running. Jowan sensed it was blood magic.

"We found you afterwards." Wynne said

Alistair held the rose pendant and the torn piece of Marissa's gown tightly against his chest.

"We only know from a witness is that she was carried off." Wynne said gently.

"She is **not dead**!" Alistair declared. "I can still feel her."

"Jowan says Marissa put the ward in her pocket before leaving for the ball." Wynne said. "He assumes that is providing some sort of protection."

"Queen Anora and the Arl have sent out several units searching for her." Leliana said. "And a bounty is being offered for not only the capture of any _maleficar alive but for any information that could to lead to where she is."_

_ "Word has likely reached everyone in Ferelden by now Alistair." Wynne said gently. "They love their hero and will do their part to help find her."_

_ "How long was I unconscious?" Alistair asked._

_ "Two days." Leliana said._

_ Alistair got out of bed and rushed to get dressed. "She could be _

_ anywhere by now. "_

_ Giselle came in the room. "Just received word that two blood mages _

_ have been captured. I'm going with Paul, we will bring them here. Jowan is _

_ preparing a makeshift prison in the basement." _

_ "Where were they captured?" Fergus asked._

_ "They were found hiding in an abandoned farmstead about nine_

_ miles from here. One of them was already wounded very badly but the other put _

_ a good fight." Giselle said. _

_ "Can they be questioned?" Alistair asked._

_ "Until we see them first hand, that question can't be answered." _

_ Giselle told him._

_ "Just as long as I get to __**question**__ them." He said._

_ Wynne was chilled by the tone in his voice._

_ "Please." Alistair said. "I need to be alone right now…to think."_

_ Alistair stared into the mirror of his dresser as they slowly left the _

_ room. He turned and shut the door, stumbling back slightly due to still being weak._

_"The hour has come Alistair." Duncan said. "It's time to show the _

_ world what you are made of." _

_ Alistair reached over and removed Duncan's shield from the wall._

* * *

_ "What did you do to her?" Thomas Howe screeched._

_ "Do not worry." The woman's voice said coldly. "She is asleep but will _

_ wake up soon. "_

_ Thomas Howe knelt before for and touched her cheek. "I have been _

_ been waiting for this moment for so long. I can wait a little while longer."_

_ He reached down and kissed her cheek._

_ "Her mind is fairly strong." The woman said. "It will take some time, _

_ but we will be able to break her."_

_ "Just don't hurt her too much." Thomas said. "I want to be able to _

_ converse with my bride from time to time."_

* * *

_ Alistair breathed heavily as he paced around his room. He could feel _

_ her, but that gave him little consolation for they still did not where she was. _

_ The two blood mages were getting settled in the basement. As soon _

_ as they brought them in, he had grabbed the one that was not hurt and threw_

_ him against the wall, demanding answers. It took Paul, Fergus, and Leliana to _

_ pull him away. _

_ "Alistair."_

_ He turned to see Wynne in the doorway; holding several books. _

_ "Jowan is still working on setting up a barrier." Wynne said. "That_

_ one mage you slammed against the wall suffered a mild concussion while the _

_ other one is dying from being exposed to too much darkspawn blood."_

_ "I know now is not the best time for this." Wynne continued. "But _

_ you need to read this, it belonged to Duncan. Marissa found them in a secret _

_ hidden space in her room. It might give you some… insight about a lot of things."_

_ "Did Duncan ever mention anything about monitoring a recruit from _

_ Highever?" Wynne asked._

_ "He mentioned it while preparing to leave for Highever." Alistair _

_ said. "I thought it was strange but I did not question it further."_

_ "Well, the answers are in these journals." Wynne said. "You see a _

_ long time ago, Duncan was very much in love with Marissa's Aunt Lorena. _

_ Since he was a Gray Warden; he was forced to let her go but even with that, _

_ they remained together in a spiritual sense. They even wrote to each other _

_ from time to time."_

_ Alistair was stunned by this revelation but remembered things Duncan had said to him._

_ "Duncan told me he had loved somebody once but she died."_

_ "Marissa's aunt was murdered and that's when he decided he _

_ would always keep an eye on her as she was his connection to Lorena."_

_ "But why make her a Gray Warden?" Alistair asked_

_ "The answers you seek are in his journals as well as Marissa's aunt's _

_ writings." Wynne smiled as she placed the other books on the table._

_ "You will also be surprised to know that Duncan knew about you a lot_

_ longer than he let on." Wynne told him. _

_ "I knew he was friends with my father if that is what you are referring _

_ to."_

_ "You need to read it." Wynne smiled. "There is so much more to it than _

_ that. And you need to read how Duncan highly regarded you. He had so much _

_ faith in you, Alistair"_

_ "And I have let him down."_

_ "Don't say that." Wynne said. "You made mistakes. We all have. You _

_ have to learn accept that and get past it."_

_ "Marissa told me the same thing…before…she…" Alistair paused._

_ "We will find her." Wynne squeezed his hand._

_ "I can't lose her Wynne." He whispered._

_ "You won't."_

_ Giselle came in the room. _

_ "You can question the one now." She said. "The other one is close to _

_ death."_

* * *

_ Alistair and Wynne followed Giselle down to the basement, where they _

_ saw Jowan had erected a barrier around the mage that Alistair had flung against the wall while the female mage was lying in a makeshift cot._

_ Glaring at the male mage, Alistair approached him. "Where is she?"_

_ "I do not know what you are talking about." The mage laughed._

_ A beam of light shot out of Jowan's hands, went through the barrier,_

_ enveloping the mage who cried out in agony._

_ "Who do you work for?" Jowan demanded._

_ "How can you do this to a brother?" The mage writhed in agony._

_ "I can never be someone like you." Jowan growled. "Now tell us, _

_ who you are working for and why you have darkspawn blood."_

_ "If it doesn't kill us, the Darkspawn blood makes us more powerful._

_ Minerva knows."_

_ "Is Minerva your boss?" Alistair demanded. "Why did she take the _

_ Gray Warden?"_

_ "Jowan." Wynne said. "Release him."_

_ The mage collapsed on the ground. "Minerva is our mistress but she _

_ was hired by another to take the Gray Warden."_

_ "Who hired her?" Alistair hissed._

_ "Only a few of us know his name." The mage said, pointing to the _

_ dying female mage. "She knew his name."_

_ The mage looked up and laughed at Alistair. "Looks like you won't_

_ be able to get it out of her."_

_ "Her spirit is in the fade." Wynne said. "If we had enough Lyrium, we could do the ritual."_

_ "Jowan I seem to recall you once saying that you could use blood for_

_ this ritual."_

_ "Yes I did Alistair." Jowan said; realizing Alistair's intentions._

_ Jowan watched as Alistair slowly released his sword while he removed_

_ the barrier. _

_ "Alistair! Don't do it!" Wynne pleaded._

_ The blood mage was still laughing when he looked up and saw Alistair's blade._

_ "I'm sorry you had to see that Wynne." Alistair said as he wiped the_

_ blood off his face. "He was a blood mage and had darkspawn blood in his possession. It was justified."_

_ "Jowan, how long do you need to prepare before Wynne can go into the fade?"_

_ "A few hours." Jowan told him. _

_ "Best get started then." Alistair said while looking at a stunned Wynne and Giselle._

_ "Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked Giselle. "You are a Gray Warden. You of all people should know that we use any means necessary."_

_ "Just keep the woman alive." He told them. "I'll be in my room."_

_ Wynne noticed Alistair was wearing Duncan's shield as he turned and left the room. _

_ "I have never seen him like that." Wynne said_

_ "He did it for her." Giselle said. _

* * *

_ "Give her some water when she wakes up." The woman's gravelly voice ordered. _

_ "Yes Minerva." A softer voice said._

_ "And watch her."_

_ Marissa shivered as she started to stir. She soon felt herself being covered by a blanket._

_ Marissa felt weak and drained as she opened her eyes to see a woman_

_ kneel down, gently putting a metal cup to her mouth._

_ "Drink this."_

_ The cold water was a shock against her dry throat and she briefly coughed before drinking more._

_ "Do you remember me?"_

_ Marissa opened her eyes and focused them on the woman looking _

_ down at her._

_ "When the Circle was under siege, you spared my life and let me escape." She whispered. "I owe you that same mercy you bestowed upon me."_

_ Marissa finally recognized the blood mage she let escape from the _

_ Circle. _

_ "I know you have a ward." She whispered to Marissa. "I have not removed it but I do not know how its strength will fare for what you are going to_

_ face."_

_ "Am I going to be killed?"_

_ "No but you will want death." The woman told her._

_ "I do not even know your name." _

_ "My name is Renee." She said. "But that does not matter. You must _

_ muster every bit of resistance you have because they are going to try to break _

_ you."_

_ "Who is doing this?"_

_ "Someone is coming." Renee put her hand on Marissa's head_

_ which made her drift back into unconsciousness._

* * *

_ "I said I was not hungry!" Alistair yelled as he slammed the door _

_ to his room. "Now leave me alone!"_

_ Sitting back down, he picked up Duncan's journal an opened it up_

_ to one of the final entries._

* * *

_We made it to Denerim. I have paid the driver 3 sovereign to watch_

_ her while I get supplies. Managed to come across an army unit marching to_

_ Ostagar two days ago and their Sergeant agreed to deliver a message to_

_ Alistair where I wrote that we were on our way and that she was the most_

_ promising of the recruits. It's strange when I look at her; that same _

_ reassurance I felt when conscripting Alistair engulfs me. It might be the taint _

_ affecting my mind but I truly believe she will survive The Joining. She will be_

_ good for Alistair and he would be for her. And when I close my eyes I can _

_ envision them doing great things for The Order. _

* * *

_ "Duncan, if only you knew how right you were." Alistair sighed as he _

_ continued to read._

_ "Maker's breath!" He exclaimed when reading another passage._

_ Wynne had come in the room and shut the door._

_ "I see your reading the journals." Wynne said. "Good."_

_ "I can't believe the things I am reading here." He said. "Why didn't _

_ he tell me?"_

_ "Perhaps he thought you weren't ready." Wynne told him. _

_ "I knew Duncan was friends with my father but I never knew his regret _

_ at not being able to prevent my being sent to the monastery. He really knew_

_ about me longer than he let on."_

_ "Had things not happened the way they did. I'm sure he would_

_ have told you."_

_ "Duncan knew I would survive The Joining. He knew she would _

_ survive it."_

_ "I didn't really know Duncan that well but I always thought he_

_ was a judge of good character." Wynne smiled._

_ "There is much more to it than that Wynne."_

_ "So tell me what were your first impressions of Marissa when you _

_ met her?" Wynne asked, trying to change the subject._

_ "It's strange." Alistair remembered. "Duncan had sent word that he _

_ would be arriving with the recruit from Highever and in his note, he mentioned_

_ she was the most promising of the three but I really never expected someone _

_ like her."_

_ "What were you expecting?" Wynne asked._

_ "I had seen portraits of some of the previous female Gray Wardens so_

_ that is what I envisioned."_

_ "She came upon me arguing with a mage and it took me a bit to _

_ realize who she was, so I have to say my first reaction was that she was far too_

_ beautiful to be a Gray Warden." Alistair continued. "But then I saw her in the_

_ Korcari Wilds and the way she laid waste to the first Darkspawn she had ever _

_ seen. I knew then she would be able to handle herself."_

_ "So you weren't the least bit interested in her then?"_

_ "She had not done The Joining yet." Alistair explained. "There was a _

_ distance I had to maintain. When Duncan asked me how she did in the Wilds, _

_ I told him of her fearlessness and her ability to calm Ser Jory and Daveth _

_ down and he was pleased and said she would be a good fit in the Order. He _

_ said that like she had already survived her Joining."_

_ "So were you surprised when she did survive?"_

_ "Indeed I was." Alistair said. "She was momentarily taken aback _

_ after Duncan killed Jory but she took the chalice without question and in my _

_ mind I was praying to the Maker that she survive and…she did."_

_ "But when did you start to feel that she was more than a __**sister **__to_

_ you?" _

_ "I already had developed a crush on her during our travels and I had to muster all the restraint I had to keep that hidden." Alistair said. " But the moment she saved the Arl's family was when I knew I would not be able to hold those feelings in."_

_ "I used to see you watch her when she wasn't looking." Wynne_

_ smiled. "And I saw the way she would look at you."_

_ "I never thought I could love somebody so much Wynne." Alistair _

_ took Wynne's hand. "I don't know what I would do if something happened to _

_ her."_

_ "Don't say that." Wynne commanded. "We will find her!"_

_ A knock on the door startled them. Alistair turned to see Giselle _

_ standing in the door. _

_ "Jowan is ready." She told them._

* * *

_ Marissa felt a set of lips brush against her cheek and she opened her _

_ eyes and looked up to see Alistair smiling tenderly at her._

_ "You're here." _

_ "Oh my love." He said. "I promise I will never leave you again."_

_ But that was not Alistair who uttered those words. She blinked her_

_ eyes a few times and watched as Alistair's image faded away only to be replaced_

_ by a smiling Thomas Howe._

* * *

_**Thanks for reading. And sorry if the format looks weird. It always uploads weird.**_

_ **I also promise some better more fun stories in the future. **___


	13. Chapter 13

Marissa was silent as she looked at Thomas Howe. She had only met him

a few times when she was growing up but never realized how much he looked like a younger version of his father until now.

"Vengeance…for your father." She broke her silence. "Go ahead and kill

me. Your father destroyed almost everything I loved and…I shall not plead

for mercy for putting my blade through him."

"Marissa my love." He said. "I could never kill you. You have to believe

me; I never wanted you or your mother to come to harm. I should have never

believed his promise when he said you and your mother would be spared."

"You did me a service by killing my father and that action has only

made me love you more."

"You wanted your father…dead?"

Marissa watched as his expression changed to bitterness. "I endured

years of abuse from him as did my mother and sister. He was a vile and evil

man who craved only power and to see the destruction of your family."

"Where are your mother and sister?" Marissa asked

"They had to be sacrificed for the greater good." Thomas said.

"With your family gone as well as mine, we can begin our lives together

on a clean slate."

Marissa shivered at the revelation of Thomas murdering his own

family.

"Darkspawn." Marissa said. "I can feel them."

"You need not worry." Thomas said gently. "They are caged. I promise

no harm will come to you."

Marissa suddenly felt cold fingers press down on her forehead and she

struggled to look up and see.

"Relax." He said. "That's just Minerva. She's going… to help you adjust.

At the moment, Marissa realized what Renee was warning her about

and in her mind, prayed to the Maker to give her the will to survive this.

"You cannot to begin to realize how happy I was when your body was

not accounted for." Thomas said. "I was so relieved that you did not have to

endure what your mother had to go through during her final hours of life."

Marissa's head began to ache and she felt herself being whirled

around until she found herself standing in the larder watching her dying father

stare in agony as she heard her mother's screams. She turned around and

screamed in horror when witnessing the violation of her mother by Howe's

soldiers.

"No! " Marissa screamed; shutting her eyes. "That is **not**…real!"

"Oh but it was real." Minerva said. "That is the fate your mother and

father met after you fled the castle."

She screamed again in agony when Minerva forced her to continue

to relive those moments over and over.

* * *

Alistair was leaning against the wall when an image of Marissa flashed

in his mind.

"No."

"Alistair what's wrong? Wynne looked concerned.

"I saw her Wynne." He whispered. "She looked terrified."

"What did you see?"

"It happened so fast." He said. "I think she was lying down. There was

a hand touching her head but her eyes….I've seen her scared before but never

like that."

"Hopefully we will get some answers when I go into the fade." Wynne

told him.

What Wynne did not reveal to Alistair was her fear of Marissa

succumbing to blood magic. In her mind, she prayed to the Maker to watch over

Marissa and to keep Alistair strong.

* * *

Renee helped Marissa to the cot and tended to her wounds. Thomas

Howe had proved he was his father's son by hitting Marissa several times and

slamming her against the wall when she had mustered enough strength to get up

and reject him. He begged for forgiveness after she had crumbled to the floor

and left with Minerva.

Minerva ordered her to clean Marissa up and to continue to probe her

mind with images that would break her.

"Please kill me." Marissa pleaded

"You must fight this." Renee whispered. "If they can find you, this

madness will end."

"Nobody is coming for me." Marissa cried.

"Do not believe those images in your mind." Renee whispered.

"They are still in my head." Marissa covered her eyes.

"It's only a matter of time they will find this hunting lodge."

"I sense…darkspawn." Marissa said.

"Yes I suppose you do being a Gray Warden." Renee said. "You see, the power from the blood is so raw and unrefined, I suspect it's similar to how the

templars get addicted to Lyrium but with even worse consequences. Those who

died quickly were the lucky ones. I should have never gotten involved with

Minerva and her group."

"I don't know how much…more I can take."

"You need to stay strong." Renee pleaded as she moved her face

closer for Marissa to see. "I do not know how much longer I have."

Marissa could see the affects of the darkspawn blood had corrupted

Renee's face.

Hearing foot steps, Renee put her hand on Marissa's head and forced

her to endure those images.

"I'm sorry." She whispered; as Marissa screamed in agony.

* * *

Wynne found herself standing by the female mage on desolate road.

A little further down, she saw an unconscious Marissa being set in a wagon.

"I'm sorry." The mage said.

"Where are they going?" Wynne asked.

"Abandoned lodge." The mage cried. "Maker forgive me."

Wynne stood and watched the mists of the Fade swirl around her. She

saw herself standing near several caged darkspawn.

"The blood beckoned to us." The mage cried. "Minerva knew how

to obtain it and to harness the power."

"Who took the Gray Warden?" Wynne asked.

"He had the gold and the means." The mage said. "All he wanted in

return was her."

"Who wanted her?"

The mage crumbled to the ground. "How!" She cried.

"How what?"

Wynne could feel the spirit in her stir and she turned to see

Duncan standing behind her.

"Duncan?"

" Time is running out." He warned her.

Wynne could feel herself being pulled away and she struggled to

hold on to see the final vision that was appearing before her but was thrust

back in reality when it lunged at her.

"Wynne?" Alistair looked down at her.

" The mage is dead." Jowan told her. "You got out of the fade just

in time."

Wynne sat up and took a sip of water from the goblet Giselle

handed to her.

" I'm afraid I did not get much information." Wynne said.

'The mage mentioned something about an abandoned lodge. She said

it was man who had the gold and means and all he wanted was for them

to get Marissa."

"Was anything else said?" Giselle asked.

" Yes. The mages have been using darkspawn blood."

"Did she anything about who took Marissa at all?" Alistair asked.

"I'm sorry Alistair. She just kept crying out the word, how."

Wynne refrained from mentioning Duncan appearing to her after

seeing how agitated Alistair was.

"Alistair, the fact that Wynne was able to get the information about

an abandoned lodge will be of great help." Giselle tried to reassure him. "We

will search land records and compare them with the areas that have had darkspawn

activity."

Alistair turned and left the room without a word.

'There was something I didn't mention." Wynne said. "I did not

want to upset Alistair anymore than he already is. Duncan appeared to me when

I was in the fade. He gave me a warning that time was running out."

"It's a good thing you didn't tell him." Giselle said. "You did the

best you could."

"I just hope it was enough." Wynne sighed.

* * *

Alistair walked by Marissa's room and found her Mabari laying on

her bed whimpering.

"I miss her too boy." Alistair said as he sat on the bed. "I promise

we will get her back. "

Alistair leaned over and hugged the dog and slowly fell asleep.

* * *

Leliana came downstairs and sat next to Wynne and Giselle.

"He's asleep on her bed with the dog." She told them.

"Good." Wynne said. "He needs the rest."

Fergus and Paul came in the room carrying several large books.

"Any word?" Fergus asked

Leliana shook her head.

"Wynne is there anything else that you can remember, anything

that stands out in your mind at all?" Fergus asked.

"I was rather surprised by the regret the mage had." Wynne said.

"She alluded to the fact that the darkspawn blood led to her undoing."

"Of course it would be destructive. We have to refine it just to use

for The Joining ritual." Paul said

"She kept crying out the word how." Wynne said.

"Could she have been referring to Rendon Howe?" Fergus asked.

"She killed Howe though." Wynne said. "I was there."

"What about his family?"

"Howe's wife and daughter were found dead when the Queen's

army found them at the estate in Amaranthine. "

"What about his son?" Fergus asked.

"He was never accounted for." Paul said

"Marissa decided to let the Queen and her Army deal with the

Howe's and the reclamation of their lands for the Gray Wardens."

"So do you know much about Howe's son?" Wynne asked

"We really didn't know his family to well." Fergus said. "He kept

them at Amaranthine most of the time but the times they came up to Denerim

it was obvious Thomas had an enormous crush on Marissa."

"Then this could be for vengeance." Leliana said.

"But why align with blood mages?" Wynne asked.

"The last report that we heard about Howe was about a large cache

of gold missing." Paul said. "Almost seven hundred sovereign."

"Maker's Breath!" Leliana exclaimed.

"If Howe's son is involved;" Wynne said. "It would explain

why any blood mage would align with him. The would need the gold to

fund their activities."

"What is this talk about Howe's son?"

They looked up to see Alistair coming down the stairs.

"We think Howe's son could be involved." Fergus said

"Marissa never even mentioned Howe had a son."

"That's probably because there was no reason Marissa would

think about him." Fergus said. "He is a couple of years younger, she probably

didn't think there was anything to be concerned about."

Bann Teagan rushed in. "I just talked to Eamon. We may have

found a possible location of that lodge."

"What have you found?" Alistair hurried towards him.

Teagan handed Alistair a deed. "The Queen let Eamon go through

Cailan's papers."

"Cailan was in the process of building a hunting lodge about 80

miles from here." He explained. "But Eamon tends to think it was going to be

more of a rendezvous for his extramarital affairs."

"Let me see the location." Paul said.

Alistair handed him the deed and Paul and Giselle compared the

location to their maps.

"Several darkspawn corpses were found close to that area."

"Then I must go there immediately." Alistair said.

"You mean we." Fergus said. "She is my sister."

"We are all going." Leliana told Alistair.

"Fine." Alistair said. "But I'm **leading** this so if you are not

keen on following my orders, you better stay at the compound."

"I will lead one of Eamon's units behind you." Teagan said.

"Then why are all of you standing around?" Alistair asked. "I

want to be on the road in two hours."

They watched him as he headed to the vault.

"We need to get Zevran." Leliana said. "He will want to be

part of this."

"No worries Leliana. I am already here."

They turned to see Zevran climb in from the window. "And I

heard everything."

"I have never seen him take charge like that before." Wynne said.

"Well its about time is it not?" Giselle asked.

* * *

"Marissa. Go to your husband." Minerva directed.

Renee helped Marissa to stand and pointed to Thomas. Marissa was

functioning enough to know she was slowly limping towards Thomas but she

had neither the will nor strength to fight it.

She held out her hand to Thomas and he tenderly kissed it. The feel of

his cold lips against her skin sickened her.

"My sweet Marissa." He attempted to put his arms around her but she

collapsed.

"She's exhausted." Minerva said. "But as you see, progress has been

made. Renee, take her to the cot and watch her."

Renee watched as Minerva and Howe left the room.

"You have to hold on." Renee whispered to her.

She looked at Marissa and realized this was no longer the same

woman who spared her life during the siege of the tower.

"I beg of you. Kill…me." Marissa pleaded.

"I'm going to make you sleep now." Renee said. "It will help heal

your spirit. Do not be afraid."

Renee pressed a finger between Marissa's eyes and watched as she

drifted off.

"I know there are people coming for you. And I swear I will not let you

die even it means ending this myself."

* * *

Wynne watched as Alistair paced around the fire. A fierce storm had

forced them to set up camp nine hours into their journey and it infuriated

him when they stopped. It had finally cleared up and everyone was

scattered around clearing the camp as fast as they could in order to avoid

Alistair's wrath.

"Alistair. You need to calm down and not take out your rage on

everyone around you." She said. "They all want her back just as much as

you."

"I know Wynne and I'm sorry." He said. "I just don't know if I

will be able to forgive myself if something happened to her."

"You must not think that way." Wynne told him. "You have to

keep the faith."

"I'm trying to Wynne."

"Have you ever wondered what Duncan would have thought

of you and Marissa?" Wynne asked.

"I honestly don't know." Alistair sighed. "In his journals, he

expressed hope that we would become close friends. I don't think he

envisioned it going beyond that. I will tell you this; the moment I realized

I loved her, I would silently thank Duncan as well the Maker for bringing

her to me."

"Alistair."

He turned to see Leliana standing before him.

"We're ready to go." She told him.

"Good." Alistair said. "We better press forward."

* * *

Renee looked down at the body of one of her brethren. He had

finally succumbed to the corruption of darkspawn blood. Minerva ordered her

to get his blood and deal with his remains. They had a small army of possessed

refugees outside the lodge and she had ordered one of them to dig a large pit

where she dragged the body in. She placed brush on top of him and set it on

fire before heading back to check on Marissa.

* * *

Alistair was standing with Teagan, Fergus and Wynne by the

road.

"This is the location." Teagan said looking at the map.

"There is **nothing **here." Alistair bellowed. "Just miles of woods."

"Look at the smoke in the distance." Fergus pointed to the tower

of smoke coming from the clearing.

Paul and Giselle rode up to them.

"Do you feel it Alistair?" Paul asked

"Yes." Alistair said. "Darkspawn."

"Let's take a look." Paul said.

"Teagan." Alistair said. "You stay here with the unit and guard

the road. One of us will come back if aid is needed."

Alistair, Paul and Giselle rode through the woods and were

immediately accosted by several possessed refugees. After dealing with

them they continued to traverse the woods.

"Makers Breath!" Giselle exclaimed. "Look!"

They could see the lodge in the distance as they made their

way out of the woods. There were also many people scattered around.

Alistair could just make out seeing two cages containing darkspawn .

An image of Marissa suddenly flooded his thoughts.

"She's here." He said. "I can feel her. Go send word to Teagan

and get everyone here."

* * *

Thomas paced around the room as Minerva glared in frustration.

"It's taking too long." He complained. "I want her to submit to me."

"The woman is a Gray Warden. Minerva told

him. "She has an incredible amount of fortitude. You should have realized

it was not going to happen right off."

"She went to you earlier." Minerva continued. "I know tonight she will

submit to you and then you can tell me where you his the remainder of the

gold you promised me."

"Don't think you will get it sooner." He told her.

"Howe." Minerva said. "I suggest you do not use that tone with me."

"And you best remember a mage put a spell on me that will block me

from revealing the location of the gold even in the event that you kill me."

"Fine!" Minerva growled. "Lets go to her."

* * *

Renee rushed over to Marissa who was in a fetal position on the

ground.

"They're coming soon." Renee told her.

"Who is coming?" Marissa was terrified

"You need fight this. Where is the woman who had the mercy

to let me live?"

"I don't know what's real and what not anymore." Marissa

whispered.

"Look at what your heart says." Renee said as she slipped a

glass shard in Marissa's pocket.

The sound of the door creaking open forced Renee to turn around

and she saw Thomas and Minerva come in the room.

* * *

Zevran and Leliana ran back from scouting the area.

"The entrance is heavily fortified." Leliana said between breaths.

"There is another problem." Zevran said. "What do you call those

things the mages become again?"

"Abominations?" Wynne asked?

"Several of them." Zevran said.

"Then it's simple." Alistair said. "We will use the ballista Teagan's

unit brought to cut through them. Everyone who has wards and knows the

Litany will be behind it."

"Archers will provide offense until its safe for the soldiers." Alistair

continued. "When it's clear; Fergus, Wynne, Leliana and Jowan will come

with me."

"You are forgetting someone my friend." Zevran said.

"And Zev." Alistair continued. "Once we're inside, Paul and Teagan

can coordinate the other groups."

"This place is huge." Fergus said

"What did you expect?" Alistair said. "My brother had an enormous

ego. "

"So is everybody alright with the plan?" Alistair asked.

"Why do you ask?" Zevran laughed. "It's not like you're going

to change it."

"Then let's go." Alistair said. "I know she's in there."

* * *

Renee helped Marissa up and tied back her hair as Thomas and Minerva

watched.

"She asked about you." Renee said.

"She did?" Thomas looked both surprised and excited to hear that.

"Yes." Renee told him. "She asked where you were."

Thomas walked over to her and put his arms around her.

"See?" Minerva said. "I told you it would work."

"_Look at what your heart says." Renee said_

Marissa reached in her pocket and grabbed the shard as she put her

other arm around Thomas as the moment of clarity in her mind grew

stronger.

Renee glanced out the window and noticed the group making their

way to the entrance.

"Show your husband how much you love him Marissa." Renee told

her.

Renee could hear the wall break outside just as Marissa plunged the

shard into Thomas's shoulder and that's when she let out a beam of energy

that propelled them against the room.

Renee enveloped the room with mist and dragged Marissa out as

the commotion outside became louder.

They were soon accosted by another blood mage but Renee's power

was much stronger and she was able to overwhelm him. She could feel

Marissa growing weaker by the second as they ran through the rooms that

contained caged darkspawn.

* * *

Minerva brushed herself off as she got up as Howe pulled the shard

out of his shoulder.

"Where is she?" He yelled.

"It doesn't matter now." Minerva said. "Intruders have gotten

through and I will not let them destroy what I have build up. No amount

of gold is worth listening to your incessant whining."

Howe watched in horror as Minerva _metamorphosized into the _

_ abomination she truly was. It was only when some sounds distracted her that _

_ he was able to run out of the room._

* * *

_ Alistair pulled his sword from the darkspawn and looked at the _

_ devastation they had caused. _

_ "Marissa!" He yelled._

_ Renee looked up when hearing Alistair's voice. She was_

_ in a storage room with Marissa who was cowering in a corner._

_ She got up and slowly opened the door; making her way through _

_ the smoke and mist towards the railing. _

_ "She's up here." Renee called. "Look in the storage room."_

_ Alistair and Wynne looked up at the woman the same time._

_ "Renee?" Wynne recognized her from the Tower._

_ 'Yes Wynne." Renee said. "It's…me."_

_ Renee did not see Minerva racing towards her until it was too _

_ late. A massive beam of energy lifted her and threw her down to where Alistair_

_ and everyone else was standing. _

_ Minerva leaped down and stood before them._

_ "Traitor." She hissed at Renee._

_ Minerva held out her arms as lightening swirled around her but_

_ she was stunned by Leliana's arrows. _

_ Jowan and Wynne looked at each other and unleashed all the _

_ energy they could muster._

_ "Alistair do it now!" Wynne shouted._

_ Alistair knocked Minerva to the ground with his shield, raised_

_ his sword and plunged it in Minerva's head._

_ Wynne made her way to the dying Renee who opened her eyes._

_ "She did not kill me at the tower." Renee whispered. "I tried_

_ my best…to help her. I'm…sorry for this. Please forgive…" She closed her_

_ eyes. _

_ "Marissa!" Leliana cried out._

_ Alistair looked up and saw her standing at the top of the stairs._

_ He could feel his heart breaking at the sight of her for he had never seen her _

_ look so broken and lost. _

_ Alistair made his way toward the stairs with Fergus._

_ "What have they done to you?" Fergus reached out to her and she _

_ shied away from him._

_ "My sweet rose." Alistair said lovingly. "You are safe now."_

_ "How can she be safe from the one who abandoned her? _

_ Thomas asked. _

_ Alistair saw Thomas walking towards Marissa._

_ "I know what you did to her." Thomas accused. "Minerva was_

_ able to get it out of her mind. "How can you even say you love her?"_

_ "And you love her?" Fergus asked incredulously. "You_

_ "It was necessary." Thomas stated. "I wanted to make her_

_ …forget."_

_ "Marissa?" Alistair pleaded._

_ Marissa raised her hand, revealing the rusted dagger she _

_ was holding._

_ "That's right Marissa." Thomas said. "You know what to _

_ do."_

_ She turned to look at Thomas then looked at Alistair and _

_ Fergus._

_ "Remember when I caught you sneaking out of my room_

_ when you were 16?" Fergus asked. "You had that book that I had got from_

_ the servants. And I told you it was not for ladies."_

_ "Marissa." Alistair said gently. "Do you remember our first_

_ kiss? When I asked you if you felt the same way I felt for you and you told me_

_ you did, my heart soared to great heights that I never thought possible."_

_ "Marissa." Thomas said. "I will never abandon you."_

_ "Shut up!" Alistair lunged at him and they fought as Marissa_

_ stood there._

_ "Marissa listen to your brother and Alistair." Wynne said._

_ Images of her family and Alistair flooded her mind and _

_ Marissa dropped the dagger._

_ Alistair and Thomas had stopped fighting just to see _

_ Marissa look at them and Fergus as she stepped closer to the top stair._

_ "Take me away from this Maker." She beseeched. _

_ "Marissa! Don't do it." Wynne pleaded._

_ Marissa held out her arms and flung herself down the flight_

_ of stairs, the last thing she heard was Alistair crying out in horror as the _

_ blackness engulfed with her peace._

* * *

_ "Marissa."_

_ "The mists of the fade were swirling around her making it _

_ difficult to see. She saw the silhouette of a man in the distance and slowly_

_ made her way towards it, and as it became clearer the closer she got to him_

_ she realized who it was._

_ "Duncan?" _

_ He turned to look at her and held out his hand to her._

_ "Its time we talk don't you think?"_

* * *

_**WRITERS NOTE: Just wanted to say thanks for reading and the support. There are only two chapters left and some better stories in the future. **___


	14. Chapter 14

"Wynne!" Alistair yelled.

Wynne rushed over to Marissa's seemingly lifeless body and put

her hand on Marissa's heart.

"She's still alive." Wynne said.

Alistair turned to look at Thomas Howe who still had not

recovered from the shock of seeing Marissa fall. He grabbed Howe by the neck and repeatedly slammed his head against the floor until Fergus pulled him off.

"Don't do it man." Fergus begged. "Let me deal with him."

Alistair stood up and raced down the stairs, where he dropped

to his knees by Marissa.

"It was the blood magic that made her do that." Wynne said

"But what about the ward she had?" He asked.

Wynne reached into her pocket and found the ward.

"We will not know how much help it was until she wakes up."

"When will that be?" Alistair asked

"I don't know Alistair. We need to get her out of here."

"Marissa." Alistair put his hand on her heart. "You need to come

back to me."

"Let's take her to the wagon." Leliana said.

"Look for blankets." Wynne said. "It's safe to pick her up."

Paul and Teagan came running as Alistair picked up Marissa.

"Get one of the wagons close to the entrance." Alistair

commanded. "And after you clear up the area, burn it! Burn it all

down!"

Fergus came down the stairs and wiped the blood off his face.

"He's dead." He said. "How is my sister?"

"She's alive." Leliana grabbed his hand.

Alistair held Marissa tightly as he left the entrance with Fergus

following closely behind.

* * *

Marissa looked at Duncan. While he looked exactly as she had

last saw him; his expression seemed a bit more at peace than what she

remembered. She recoiled in horror slightly when remembering the

version of him she encountered when trapped in the fade by the

sloth demon.

"You needn't be afraid. I am not the demon you encountered

in the fade." He laughed. "It was a rather poor copy I must say, otherwise

it would have known what I said to you in the larder that night we

fled Highever. You remember don't you?"

"You said I was always your first choice."

"You were my first choice since the moment I saw you in the

woods when you were a young girl grieving for your aunt and I made

the decision to keep an eye on you."

"You knew that far back?"

"Let me ask you this." Duncan said. "Why did you

refuse all your mother's attempts at matching you to a suitor?"

"They didn't interest me." Marissa said. "I wanted more

out of life.'

"You were never very conventional and you dreamed

a lot when you were growing up didn't you?" Duncan asked.

"Yes, that is definitely true. I used to day dream a lot."

"You are also one of few noblewomen I have encountered

that never had any Ladies in waiting. Why was that?"

"I did not want to be served."

"And that is just another reason I knew you were the

one."

"Duncan there are so many things I want to say to you."

Marissa cried.

"I know." He smiled. "But I must tell you something

first. You need to know at Ostagar during the battle; the last thing

I saw was the beacon lit and I knew at that moment hope was not

lost and that I was right in placing my faith in you and Alistair."

"But Loghain retreated." Marissa said.

"That may be so but the beacon was lit and I knew

that if you could accomplish that task that the two of you would

be able to succeed at anything."

"Did you know what would happen?" Marissa asked

"Is that why you never you took the treaties?"

"Didn't I tell you that the sometimes the best laid

plans can go awry?"

"I knew if something happened, the treaties would

be in safe hands." He continued.

"So I guess it safe to assume you also know about…"

"Yes I know about you and Alistair." He smiled.

* * *

Alistair paced outside the room where Marissa was being

attended to by Wynne and two of the Queen's top physicians. Marissa

remained unconscious throughout the trip back to Denerim. Alistair

could not believe the crowd of well wishers that surrounded them as

he carried her to the compound. The crowd got so huge that Teagan had

his troops move them away to give them room.

Fergus was sitting on the bench and staring at the ground.

Leliana sat next to him and took his hand in hers.

Wynne came out of the room and shut the door.

Fergus squeezed Leliana's hand as he stood up while as Alistair

rushed to Wynne.

"How is she?" Fergus asked.

"She's still unconscious." Wynne told them.

"When will she wake up?" Alistair asked.

"Marissa sustained a concussion from the fall Alistair."

Wynne said. "The doctors also think they may have drained some of her blood."

"Was she…" Leliana paused; as she was scared to hear the

answer.

"Thank the Maker she was not." Wynne interrupted. "But its

obvious she was beaten a few times from the abrasions we found. She put

up a good fight before the blood magic became too much for her."

"But when is she going to wake up Wynne?"

"I honestly don't know Alistair." Wynne said. "I'm not

going to lie. It's very difficult for a person to recover after being

affected by blood magic. The concussion and blood loss have not helped

either."

"So what are you saying Wynne?" Fergus asked

"I'm saying we wait and see."

"And pray." Leliana added.

"Can we see her?"

"Yes but just for a few moments for now."

Fergus and Leliana hurried in the room as Alistair stood

there.

"Are you coming Alistair?" Wynne asked, holding her

hand out to him.

He took her hand and they went in the room. The

physicians were standing by her bed and told Wynne they would

return tomorrow.

Alistair looked down at Marissa. He had never seen

her look so frail and it was all he could do to keep his emotions in.

He reached down and kissed her cheek and brushed

the hair out of her face.

"Please don't leave me." He whispered.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I need to go."

They watched him rush out of the room and heard his

door slam.

* * *

"I had my first suspicions about you and Alistair when you

returned from the Wilds." Duncan said. "You were cleaning up before

we were going to proceed with The Joining and I saw him watching

you."

"I had no idea he was looking at me."

"My suspicions grew during your Joining, when you had passed

out. He prayed to the Maker for you to survive and then would pray again

for forgiveness for forgetting about Daveth and Jory. "

"I can see him doing that." Marissa laughed

"You helped him grieve for me." Duncan said.

Marissa remembered the first night they camped. She had talked

to Alistair earlier in the day about Duncan and it seemed to help him but

the sounds of sniffling coming from his tent made her sit up. She

understood that grief for the memories of those last moments in the larder

would still haunt her. Alistair's face was covered by his hands when she

came in his tent. He got startled when she touched his shoulder. She held

out her arms and gently told him it was alright and at the moment he pulled

her close and buried his face against her right side and wept and she cried

with him.

"Most would consider it weakness for a man to wear his heart

on his sleeve but not you. You never judged him for that and accepted it

as being part of who he is."

"Its one of the reasons I fell in love with him."

"And the night you let Loghain survive and you stood there

as Alistair's wrath cut to the very core of your soul."

"I made that decision based on what I thought you would have

done."

"And you made the right choice." Duncan told her. "I would

have let Loghain live. It appears that despite our brief time together,

I taught you well."

"But what does that say for Alistair?"

"Alistair was on a different path during the same journey. Do

you think he would have stayed in Ferelden if he truly felt he was right?"

"And you obviously had enough forgiveness in your heart

to allow him back in the Gray Wardens."

A huge mirror suddenly appeared before them.

"Alistair's journey has led him back to the path you're on."

Duncan said. "You need to see this."

Marissa looked into the mirror and covered her mouth in

shock. She was watching the events of her capture by Thomas Howe and

how the blood mage known as Minerva tried to control her by feeding her

mind horrific images of the last moments of her mother's life as well as

many other scenes of terror. She also watched as Alistair led a group of

her friends and a unit of troops to her rescue. He tore through

abominations and possessed refugees to get to her. Alistair also killed

Minerva. Marissa shuddered in horror when she watched the very broken

version of herself deliberately fall down the stairs and the look of horror

on Alistair's face as he watched.

"He saved me." Marissa said.

"And in the process, he found himself."

"Am I dead?" Marissa asked. "Was he too late?"

"Your body needs to heal. That is why you're here."

"Can I ask you something then?" She asked.

"It's why I'm here. I know… you have been troubled

for a long time about the destiny you chose."

"I read in your journal you were planning to invite me

to join the Gray Wardens the next day despite what you said to my father."

"And what if the circumstances had been different and

I did ask you? Would you have been willing to leave everything

behind and go with me to Ostagar?"

"Yes." She cried. "The moment you told my

father that you thought I would be an excellent candidate was when

I wanted to become a Gray Warden. And I know I would have hurt

my parents deeply but I would have never been truly happy living

by their expectations. I wanted to be able to choose my own path."

Marissa suddenly touched her right cheek.

"It just felt as if I was kissed." She said

"You were kissed." Duncan pointed to the mirror.

Marissa watched the moving images of Alistair

kissing her sleeping face.

Marissa looked at Duncan.

"He loves you to the very depths of his soul."

"The same way you loved my Aunt?" Marissa asked

"Your aunt had my heart the moment I first laid eyes

on her."

"You were afraid she would die if she had done

the Joining and that's why you let her go."

"The possibility of losing her was just too painful

but in the long run I did lose her, to a fate far worse."

"So you wanted to give me the chance you never gave

my aunt. How did you know I would even survive The Joining?"

"I just knew Marissa. I had the same feeling for Alistair

as well."

Marissa looked at the mirror and saw Alistair was sitting

by her bed and holding her hand.

* * *

Giselle opened the door and quietly walked in the room and saw

Alistair had fallen asleep in his chair.

"Alistair," She said gently.

He opened his eyes and looked up at her. "What is it?"

"I… don't know how to ask you this, but we need every person

we can get to head to the Imperial Highway near were Lothering once

stood. There's been reports of about 20-30 darkspawn there."

Alistair turned to look at Marissa. It had been nearly a week and she

was still unconscious. His hope was starting to fade.

"Fergus and Wynne will be with her." Giselle said.

Fergus walked in as Alistair stood up. "I'll be right there."

Alistair watched Fergus sit in the chair.

"You know I never took pleasure in killing until I killed him." Fergus said. "When you went to Marissa, I dragged him to this other room that

turned out to be this unholy shrine to her. Her portrait was in the middle of the

room and there was this circle of flowers around it. And he told me he hoped she

died so they would be united in spirit and that was the moment I unleashed my

sword and I kept plunging it in his chest over and over."

Alistair reached over and touched Fergus's shoulder. "She's not

going to die."

"I've lost so much Alistair. I don't want to lose my sister."

Fergus looked up at Alistair. "I can see how much you love her."

"Fergus." Alistair said. "I will not be complete until she comes back."

Fergus took Marissa's hand as Alistair fought back his tears before

leaving the room.

* * *

"It feels so peaceful here Duncan." Marissa said. "There's a part of

me that wants to stay."

"You can't stay Marissa." Duncan said firmly. "You still have

a lot of work ahead of you."

"I know." She sighed. "This talk we're having; I have a better

understanding of who I am now. I just don't want to forget."

"You won't forget." He promised her.

"Duncan."

Marissa turned to see her aunt smiling in the distance.

"It's time for you to go back." Duncan told her as he got up.

"Goodbye Duncan." She squeezed his hand. "And thank you."

Marissa watched him walk over to her aunt and take her hand and

they slowly faded before her eyes as the mists from the fade suddenly became

turbulent as she was pulled out.

* * *

Fergus was half asleep in the chair by Marissa when he felt her

squeeze his hand. He looked down at her as she opened her eyes.

"Oh thank The Maker." He exclaimed.

Wynne rushed in when hearing Fergus and saw Marissa was

coming too.

"Fergus?" Marissa asked.

"You know who I am?" He asked happily.

"Do you know who I am?" Wynne asked?

Marissa turned to look at Wynne. "Of course I do Wynne. Why

wouldn't I?"

Wynne let out a sigh of relief for it appeared Marissa was

not suffering any long term affects from the blood magic.

"What do you last remember?"

The image of Thomas Howe flashed in her mind, making

her shiver.

"Howe." Marissa remembered. "He had mages….trying to

break my mind. "

"It's alright." Fergus told her. "He will never hurt you again."

"How do you feel?" Wynne asked.

"I still feel weak." Marissa said. "How long have I been this

way?"

"Nine days." Fergus said.

"Where is Alistair?" Marissa asked. "I need to see him."

"Don't worry." Wynne said. "He'll be back. There was big

darkspawn raid near Lothering that had to be dealt with."

"He's going to be so relieved to see that you're alright."

Fergus told her.

"I'm so hungry." Marissa said.

"Fergus, will you get her a bowl of that chicken stew?" Wynne

asked. "I think its mild enough for her system."

"I'll be right back."

Marissa struggled to sit up in bed as Wynne arranged her pillows.

"Wynne I was in the Fade." Marissa told her. "Duncan was with

me and he showed me how Alistair led all of you to rescue me. I saw

everything."

"He really took charge Marissa." Wynne said.

"Duncan also helped me gain a lot of clarity about who I am."

"You know Marissa." Wynne said. "The Maker must really

be smiling down upon you because it's rare to have these experiences in the

Fade."

"It was such a relief to see him and get some questions answered."

Marissa said. "And he's at peace too."

If its one man who deserves peace it's most definitely Duncan." Wynne said.

"Oh how I wish Alistair was here." Marissa sighed.

"We just received word." Fergus said as he walked in.

"They should be back tomorrow." He set the bowl of stew down and

handed her a fork.

The aroma instantly brought back memories of her life

in Highever.

"This is Nan's recipe!" Marissa exclaimed. Her hand shaking,

she dug into the bowl.

* * *

Alistair was riding in the back of the group when they were

approached by two horsemen. He watched as one of them handed Paul

a folded piece of parchment. An image of Marissa came in his mind and

he realized the way he could feel her was changed.

He saw Paul look at Giselle then glance at him and in an instant, sped off on his horse.

"Alistair wait!" Paul yelled. "It's not what you think. She's

awake."

"Oh well;" Giselle smiled. "At least it will make their reunion

sweeter."

* * *

Marissa was sitting in the main hall talking with Bann Teagan and

Arl Eamon. Despite Wynne's protests, she had her brother carry her down the

stairs right after her bath to greet some well wishers. She heard the crowd

outside wanting to see her but she was not ready too go out in the balcony.

Alistair would be back today and that was her sole focus. Marissa never

thought she could feel nervous and excited at the same time but she did. Leliana

told her to speak from her heart and that was what she was going to do.

* * *

Alistair left his horse at the stable and raced for the compound.

The crowd had grown bigger as he pushed through them to get inside. Alistair

had nearly knocked Jowan over as he ran up the stairs and tripped in the

doorway when he saw her room was empty.

"She's in the main hall."

He turned to see a smiling Fergus standing before him.

"She's….alive?"

"Yes and she's been waiting for you."

"Alive." Alistair said.

He hugged Fergus and ran down the stairs.

Alistair saw Teagan and Eamon leave the entrance to the hall. He

barely acknowledged them as he opened the door and went inside.

"Marissa." He whispered.

She was looking down at the floor and had not seen him

come in but the sound of the door closing released her from the daze she

was in. Marissa looked up and their eyes finally met.

"Alistair." She stood up

He ran to her and swept her in his arms as she was about to

fall due to being weak.

Alistair shivered when he felt her arms around him.

"I thought I lost you." He caressed her cheek.

"You saved me Alistair." She cried. "I know what you

did to free me from Howe."

"I had help."

"That may be so but it was you who led them."

"I would not have been able to bear it had I lost you Marissa."

Alistair said between his tears. "I love you so much. I'm not complete without

you."

"I love you Alistair. I never stopped even after you left."

"I was a complete fool for doing that to you." He lamented.

"It took me awhile but I understand why you did what you did. And I swear

I plan to make it up to you everyday for the rest of our lives."

"Alistair; all I want is to be with you and when the time comes

I want to take that last walk with you in the Deep Roads. Its time to look forward to our future no matter what happens"

"Maker's breath!" Alistair exclaimed. "I don't deserve

somebody like you."

"Enough talk. Kiss me."

And their lips met for the first time in what seemed like an

eternity, making Alistair feel whole again.

"Excuse me."

They turned to see Queen Anora standing with two of her guards.

"You're Majesty." They both bowed to her.

"Its good to see you are on the mend." Anora said.

"Thank you you're Majesty."

"And Alistair;" Anora looked at him. "I was told

of your heroic deeds when rescuing Marissa and I do think your actions

are worthy of a boon."

"Thank you Queen Anora." He said. "Now that the lodge

has burned to the ground, it is only right that the land be used to build an orphanage and proper school for the orphans of Ferelden so they may have a

chance at a better life."

"That is an excellent idea." Anora managed a smile. "I will

discuss this at the meeting tomorrow."

"Marissa." Anora looked at her. "You were right about

something you said to me. People can be redeemed. Now will you two

please make an appearance on the balcony. The people want to see their heroes."

They watched her leave the room.

"Heroes?" Alistair asked

"You are the hero who saved the hero of Ferelden." Marissa

smiled. "Of course they would want to see you."

"Do we have to?" Alistair asked

"It will just be for a few minutes." Marissa said between

kissing his neck. "Besides, you are going to have carry me. I don't think I'm

strong enough to walk that far."

"Your wish is my command." He said as he gently lifted

her, relishing the feelings of her arms around him

as he slowly headed out the room and towards the balcony.

* * *

Marissa woke up and felt two arms around her.

"Alistair?" She asked.

"Who did you think it was going to be?" He asked sleepily. "Your

secret lover?"

"I don't even remember falling asleep."

"You fainted after dinner. I put you to bed."

"But what will people say about you sharing my bed?" She asked.

"They know we love each other, who cares what they think. And

I promised Wynne we would just… sleep."

"Oh." Marissa said dreamily. "That's good."

"I'll move the rest of my things in here tomorrow." Alistair said.

"But I have to say, I can't wait until you're strong enough for other…

things. Remember when you told me you wanted to spend a whole week

in bed? I intend to hold you to that promise."

"You remember that?" She exclaimed

"How could I forget the love of my life telling me she wants nothing

but to lay with me for a whole week?"

Mustering her strength, she managed to roll on top of Alistair and

looked at him.

She raised her arms and slowly removed her nightgown and threw

it on the floor.

"I think I am strong enough for some… things." Marissa said as she

caressed his chest with her ends. "Just be gentle with me."

Alistair pulled her close and they kissed hungrily.

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

Alistair and Marissa married one month later in Highever in

front of their loved ones. They assumed leadership of the Gray Wardens

when Paul and Giselle returned to Orlais. With hard work and determination,

the Gray Wardens grew and flourished under their leadership and when their

Calling came; they walked hand in hand and faced it together. Centuries later

tales of their great deeds and enduring love were still shared.

* * *

**Writer's Note: Just want to say thanks for reading and be on the lookout for my next story. **


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